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June 7th, 2009, 08:36 AM
~Laurie~ ~Laurie~ is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,095
That's ignorance for ya. I actually had a not so great experience with the woman doing my u/s on Friday. She asked about my past history (how many pregnancies etc), so she asked how far along I was when I lost Eva. I told her and she told me that it was terrible, but it could have been worse since I could have lost her during delivery or something. She said that at least I didn't go into the hospital expecting to have a live baby and then not get to bring her home, "because that's bad". Now, I do agree (personally) that it would have been worse to make it to the very end of my pregnancy and lose her, but my thoughts on that would have been the fact that I would have spent an even longer time bonding with her, and I know I would have tormented myself with even more 'what ifs'. What the tech said was so off-base to me. Is it better to go into the hospital knowing that you are going to be induced, have to labour and be in pain, all for nothing? I found that part of it so..... I don't know. I felt extreme anger at the unfairness of it. That's just my thoughts on the matter. Either way, she has no idea since she's never gone through it, so who is she to tell me what's better in this sort of situation? Why don't people realize that not every situation requires their opinions and input?
Sorry to thread-jack you here, but it seems to be a common issue. People feel so compelled to speak when they should really just shut-up. I hate that it leaves me with an uncomfortable choice regarding whether I try to educate them (not always well received) or let it go (which leaves me with unresolved frustration and anger), and I would rather not met with this decision at all.
As for the 'be grateful for the kids you have', we are grateful, just as every good and loving parent out there is grateful for their children. Having lost one should not mean that you appreciate your other children more, because you should feel that way regardless. I would have maybe said "So, there is some part of you that isn't all that grateful for your children because you haven't lost one. That is so sad", and pat her on the arm. See how she likes it.
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