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August 25th, 2009, 12:44 PM
irishxrose
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Okay, so I'm finally able to type this out! Woot! LOL

I'm going to have to give some background first, as it will make a bit more sense later on. I first met Jason near our high school, with some friends of mine, in I think it was either December of 2002 or January of 2003. I can't really remember but it was sometime then. I was a freshman, and he had just graduated the year before. He would come down to the local 7-11 store and hang out with his friends and that's pretty much how we met, as I knew some of his friends. We didn't really talk that much until June of 2003 when I started dating one of his friends and he showed up at my boyfriend at the time's house to hang out with us. He was dating a girl I knew, so that helped to break the ice. At the time I was sooo not interested in him lol, since I was dating the other guy and pretty much head over heels for him (first love type thing, what can you do). So anyway, that boyfriend and I had some serious issues near the end of our relationship, and I started talking to Jason more. He started to hang out with us more often, so I got to know him a bit better. My relationship with my ex ended on an extremely bad note in October of 2003 which I will not go into, but that did help bring me a bit closer to Jason. I still had no feelings for him at this point, and he was just a friend. We became best friends. He started dating a friend of mine in early 2004, and she totally screwed up their relationship and really hurt him. She cheated on him and left him for that guy, and I was the only one he would let pick up the pieces. At that point, seeing how much hurt my friend had done to him, I started to fall for him. I didn't actually tell him until my friend of course started showing interest in him again after she left the other guy (okay, yeah, it might have been petty, but I was NOT about to let him get back together with her and she break his heart again and I'd have to pick up the pieces). Jason of course was like uh, no, go away to her, but to me... he started showing a lot of interest back. This is bad, but we actually had sex before we started dating. He was the sweetest and kindest guy I had been with, and after that we both decided that we should date. And that's how our story started lol.

We dated for 11 months, and during that time we had some major issues. His first love was trying to get back in his life and DH felt confused. He loved me, and he loved her, and he just didn't know what he wanted. Obviously this caused some serious issues between us. I won't go too far into it, but she and I pretty much had a mutual hatred for each other at that point. Jason had made plans with her to get married and have children, but she screwed that up, and now he wanted to be with me. But when she showed interest again... well yeah, you get the idea. I had a pregnancy scare in January of 2005, and Jason and I got into a huge fight about it. He thought that if I was pregnant, I should get an abortion and told me so. I told him flat no. That caused some serious stress along with the other crap that was going on. So after 11 months, I couldn't handle it anymore. This was in February of 2005. I broke up with him, and I started dating a jerk who abused me. It was a very dark time in my life. During this time, Jason finally realized exactly who he wanted and what he had lost - me. After the jerk broke up with me after I confronted him for cheating, Jason was there to pick up the pieces, much like I had done for him. I had never stopped loving him, and we couldn't be apart from each other. We both realized how much we loved each other and that we wanted to be together forever. So he proposed (without a ring lol) and we were engaged. We were having sex like rabbits, but we were using condoms (I couldn't be on birth control, never worked well with my body). Well, late July 2005 I got pregnant. I was 17, Jason was 21. I didn't actually know until two weeks before my 18th birthday in September. I was in total denial about it and just thought I was gaining weight because I ate like crap and was just tired because of stress since my senior year had just started. Jason actually told me I had missed two cycles and maybe I should take a pregnancy test. So we go down to the grocery store and buy the First Response kit with two home tests. We go back to his apartment and I'm practically hyperventilating at this point because I was terrified of what it would be and how Jason would react, since the last time I had a pregnancy scare he had told me I had to get an abortion or he'd leave. Well, the first test came out positive and I just sat there in shock. I finally went out of the bathroom and just handed him the test. He stared at it, then at me, then back at the test, and finally said "we're having a baby. It'll be okay, we'll handle it". Abortion and adoption never crossed our minds, and Jason told me that because of my reaction the first time, he didn't want to lose me again. And it was his child - he couldn't do anything but keep it. I felt the same way. I went home that night and slept like crap, and then in the morning I took the second test. Within five second, bam, two lines show up and I'm pretty much positive I'm preggo. So, I tell my mom. She was pissed, naturally. I went to the doctor, and somehow their pee test was negative, yet I had two HPTs that were positive. So they ordered a blood test, and results came in a few days later and ta-da, pregnancy confirmed. I got in to see my OB/GYN, and they did an ultrasound to confirm my dates. They actually were off, since I had odd cycles, so my due date was changed from April 13th to April 27th after they did the ultrasound. I was about 9 and a half weeks or so pregnant when I turned 18 on September 27th and I was a senior in high school. I was terrified, but I tried to be positive. Jason and I both felt that we made this baby, and that we were responsible for it. We would make it work as best we could.

About my high school - I had been kicked out of my public high school (the one that Jason and I had both gone to), halfway through my sophomore year. I started going to an alternative private high school that were for people like me; basically kids with issues. It was a very small high school and I LOVED it. When I found out I was pregnant in my senior year, I sat down with all my teachers and the principal and told them I was going to be having a baby in April, and that I really needed their support and encouragement to get through my classes. They were all very understanding and worked with me and around my pregnancy. I was allowed to sleep in a room that had a bed (it was pretty much for sick kids, like a nurse's office) if I was feeling exhausted, and they allowed me lenient schedules. Anyway. My pregnancy was considered high risk because I had been on a bipolar medication that was not safe for pregnancy. So I had a lot of ultrasounds and a lot of doctors' appointments to monitor the baby. My mom and stepdad were still pissed with me about being pregnant, and that first month was utter hell. My dad, ironically, was actually happy about becoming a grandfather. Jason's parents were the opposite. My MIL and her husband were ecstatic, while my FIL was more reserved about it. He had been 18, and MIL was 20 when Jason was born, so they knew it was going to be hard for us. But, they both told us that at least Jason was older than they had been (he was 22 when we told them). My mom and my stepdad finally came around when my mom took me to my first level 2 ultrasound at 12 weeks (or was it 13? crap I can't remember! LOL it was one of those, it's been so long now I have trouble remembering the dates) and she saw my baby on the screen. She actually started bawling and told me that everything would be fine, and that she'd do as much as she could to help us and her grandchild. Then I started crying lol. We also found out at that point that the baby was most likely a boy and the tech was 98% sure of it. Pregnancy goes on... at 16 weeks, it was confirmed that we were having a boy. I was SO glad lol, I was terrified of having a girl! And FIL came around at that point, he was so excited to be having a grandson.

It was hard going to school and being pregnant. I was tired all the time, I was hungry all the time (cravings SUCK), I had huge amounts of homework as I had to play catch up with my credits, and hormones were way off, and well it just sucked. I went to school up until 36 weeks, where I went on my maternity leave. Pretty much after spring break, I didn't go back to school and instead stayed home and rested and waited for my baby. I gained 80+ lbs with Joshua (nobody knew why, it was not GD), so that took a huge toll on my body, so I was even more easily exhausted and just eh during my pregnancy than probably most normal pregnancies. I also had issues with placenta previa which thankfully cleared up by 26 weeks. Then I had problems with high amniotic fluid levels, which made me huge but Joshua was small. Yeah, it was tons of fun. Not. It was really stressful and I was pretty much an emotional wreck by the end of it. When I was 39 weeks 4 days pregnant, I went into labor. It was about 4 am or so on Saturday April 22nd when my labor started. It was excrutiating, and I ended up having back labor. Jason had to work that night, so I was terrified he wouldn't be able to get off work. My parents didn't think I was actually in labor until about oh 9:30 at night when I actually called the nurse hotline and they told my parents to get me to the hospital immediately since my contractions were very close together. Of course, then I spend the next half hour talking to Jason and he's waiting for his relief to show up since he told his supervisor he was not missing the birth of his son and they couldn't make him (he was a little pissy with his boss that night LOL). Finally at about 10:15 or so my parents just end up taking me to the hospital while Jason was on his way there. He actually picked up a friend of his for "emotional support" ( ) and then proceeded to do 90 on the highway all the way to the hospital. I really think he was more terrified than I was lol. So we get to the hospital at 10:30, and Jason gets there a little bit later. Then we come to find out that even though I've been in labor for 18 hours, I'm only dilated to 1 and a half centimeters. But I was still admitted and I spent the next couple of hours in the glorious tub and screaming my head off because back labor is quite frankly the worst pain I have ever gone through and I felt like I was dying. At about 2 or 3, they check me and my water breaks and I'm at about 5 cm. At this point they load me up with pitocin (which I DID NOT know until after delivery and I am still pissed off about that to this day as I did NOT need it and I swear it made my labor and delivery worse than it had to be) and I get my epidural. Which wore off an hour later. And pitocin induced contractions are literally one on top of another and combined with excrutiating back labor - IT FREAKING HURT! I was exhausted at this point, they wouldn't let me eat anything, and the stupid nurse on duty wouldn't even give me water, ice, or ice chips, so I was extremely dehydrated. At around 6 or so, I was almost fully dilated, and a new nurse came on duty so I was finally able to have some ice, though I wish they would have let me eat something - I literally had no energy and the epidural just wouldn't work at all, so I was hungry and in pain and uh yeah not a good mixture. At around 7 am, they tell me it's time to start pushing. That's when they realized Joshua was sunny side up and horizontal. They tried to turn him. That didn't work. Which I'm glad it didn't because we later found out that his umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck twice and around his entire body, so if they had turned him, he would have suffucated. To make a long story short, I had to push for over three hours, had to get an episiotomy as I told the doctor there was no way in freaking hell I was having a c-section, tore horizontally as I pushed him out since he was horizontal and he had a huge conehead, and I felt everything as my epidural was only succeeding in making my legs feel like jelly. Um yeah, my birth sucked. And I hope I didn't scare anyone with it, but my birth wasn't really all that normal... it just totally sucked and is why I won't be having a hospital birth again unless I absolutely have to. Ahem. Joshua Benji was born on Sunday April 23, 2006, at 10:27 in the morning.

Being a teen mom has been hard. I was one of the older ones, and I count myself lucky as I had options that most girls don't have. My parents took care of me during my entire pregnancy, and we lived with them until Joshua was a year old. Jason stuck around when most guys his age would have split. He loves his little boy. We had some issues after Joshua was born, but we have worked them all out and we are doing amazing. I was able to go back to high school after I gave birth, and graduated a semester late. I went to college immediately, and I am recieving my degree in Criminal Justice fall of 2009. I am going to be a police officer and am already starting to talk with law enforcement agencies to figure out which department I'd like to work with. Jason and I were able to move in with each other when Joshua was a year, and we rented an apartment. We are extremely lucky in that we own our own home, which we bought in 2008. Joshua spends a lot of time with both of our families, and he adores his grandparents on both sides. It's been hard, but my little family is doing great and we are succeeding. Jason and I are waiting for our wedding day on May 21, 2011; but by the laws of our state we are already common-law married and we already truly feel that we are husband and wife. I've had some nasty comments made to me about that, but I don't really care. My life is my life, and I am very happy with how mine has turned out. I am forever grateful to my parents, and his, who never had to help us, but did. For us, family comes first, and we always help, no matter what.

Anyway, life is pretty nice right now. I'm very proud of my accomplishments, and I know I'm raising my child the right way for our family. My husband loves me in a way I don't deserve, but I am forever thankful that he gave me the second chances I needed - and I gave him his. He's very much my soulmate and my true love. Being a teen mom does not mean your life is over. It will be hard, there is no doubt about that - but your life is not ruined. It is only changed. You do not have to give up on your dreams, no matter what people say. People tell me I will never be a police officer and that I'd never be able to get a degree - I am proving them wrong, and they don't realize how their nasty words actually push me even harder to prove them wrong and accomplish my dreams and goals. I never expected my life to be so... happy. I had a rough childhood and during my teenage years, I was a hellion. I had issues. Once I had my son, my life got on track, and I will never regret having a child so young. He made my life complete, and I know exactly what I want to do with my life and how I want my family to be. Being a teen mom is hard and it is difficult, but you can do it. You have to be strong, even if you feel like you just can't do it, for your child. You have to be dedicated and committed to doing the best you can. It is not impossible to be a good mom as a teen, and I am one mom who is proud to say that I had my son as a teenager and I overcame those difficulties. I was dealt this hand and I have learned how to play my cards right and keep my family safe and happy. It is possible, and to every teenage girl out there who is pregnant - you can do this. Don't give up on yourself, your life or your dreams, and work hard to be the best mom you can be to your child. I truly believe that even when we hit rock bottom and life totally sucks - it will get better and it will get easier. I will never stop believing that.

And that's my story pretty much.
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