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  #6  
August 25th, 2009, 03:08 PM
m.and.a
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I'm so sorry too. I've been through a divorce, but fortunately there were no children in that marriage. I was too blindsided, but in retrospect (you know what they say about 20/20) I can see that I missed- or ignored a lot of the signs.

If your husband has had a huge change in personality, I would wonder if there were outside motivations- not that this is the case, but things I would consider: drinking. My ex was binge drinking, he was also comiserating with young colleged aged single men at work. I found out when I got into his hotmail account and read his emails just what was being said to him, and the encouragement he was receiving for his sinful behavior. He was having nappropriate relationships with women online that led to a sexual encounter. We cancelled our home service and had to go to the library, and I caught him emailing a woman with which he had been unfaithful. There's no telling what he was doing at work. I know many women- Christian- whose husbands fight porn addictions. What this can do to someone's personality and affect their judgement is remarkable. The detachment that you describe in his words to you really makes me think that there are outside influences motivating this desire to no longer be married. Is he on myspace or facebook alot?

I think what you are doing- praying is the right thing. It was the failure of my first marriage that drove me from God to a period to which I call my Spiritual Dark years. I was so angry at God for such a long time. Pray for your husband and his heart. It also wouldn't hurt to try the love dare. My husband chose to leave me, not I him. I did everything to keep him, including degrading myself sexually for him. I believe that women should be available sexually for their husbands, but this was different. There was no intimacy, there was no love. He was rough, and he was trying to prove something to himself. There was no marital gain to be had from this, it was just a last ditch effort for me to "keep my man". In the end I felt totally used, because he had no intention of sticking around, he was just waiting for me to say "I've had enough" and no longer fight his desire to leave. The breaking point for me was when he said that he would continue to have whatever it was that he was having with women, and that he wasn't sorry for the ones he had had. My point is, that please don't think it is you. Had you been "the perfect wife". I don't think it has anything to do with your sex drive either- particularly if there are other issues. I'm sure these would still be issues. The worldly influence is hard to fight. I'll certainly pray for you, and come join us in Love Dare.

Also, I do want to say that he admitted later that he said a lot of things to hurt me- just to drive me away, so that is always a possibility. He once told me that he had a woman in every place he traveled for work. A few months later when I called him out on it, he was hurt and said that he'd only said that to hurt me. Look into the Love Dare. Seek counseling from a Christian Counselor. If he won't go with you- go alone. I believe that marriages are worth saving, and are worth fighting for- until there is nothing left to fight for.
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