Keeping the Faith?
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September 28th, 2009, 09:01 AM
Join Date: Sep 2009
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I couldn't imagine. I know when my son was born, we experienced a bit of a loss but nothing in comparison to your experience. I think when it came to my Judaism growing up, I just went through the motions without internally gaining anything from that - almost like I lumped up each time we went to the synagogue as being separate from the rest of my life. I think it is also part in due to the fact that there were no Jews in our area growing up. (We had to travel 25 miles and to the next state in order to go to synagogue.) So it was easy for me to put into a compartment and not bring it into my everyday life.
I would love to visit Israel, but I think its going to be a while before that happens. Although, I am attempting to plan our 5 year anniversary for next November. Perhaps that is just what our family would need. By that time, hopefully my son will be communicating better and we could all relearn and regain some sort of meaning to things.
I guess, I feel especially guilty now for some reason - my mother is abhored that I did not go to temple for Rosh Hashana, and when she asked if I was going for Yom Kipper/Yisker etc I basically told her, "No, I don't think it would be appropriate, I think I have lost my faith..." It feels like if I did go to temple right now, it would be a ruse.
Thank you for your suggestion. Have a peaceful holiday. Best of luck ttc!
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