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  #17  
September 28th, 2009, 12:54 PM
Bonkers Bonkers is offline
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 10
Hi i thought id share my journey with you.. its been a very long rough road and it will get longer

November 2006 a few days after my 19th birthday i felt funny, i have been with my pertner for 8 months, we were due to get married in the january comming so i just put my illness down to stress untill when we was out i realised i was a week late. I joked hey maybe im pregnant. Id always wanted kids but i didnt want to be a young mum i wanted to be in my mid 20's atleast. So we went to buy a test and i went in to the cinema toilets to test (classy i no ) i was gobsmacked when it came back positive, i walked out the loo in a daze i even dropped my phone and never even noticed, i told my OH im sorry but theres 3 of us now. We both got mega excited, well i did anyway lol. I was dreeding telling my mum as i knew shed be disapointed.. i was shocked that she wasnt it was more of the OMG how will you fit in your wedding dress.
So she took me to the dr's the nest day to get it confirmed and the dr examined me. she told me i had a lump and she wanted me to go to hospital to get it seen to. after 5 hours of constant waiting i had my bloods taken and told to return in 48 hours for another.. so back we went 2 days later and then i was given the bad news that my hormones were only rising by 20 every 2 days.
I spent the next 4 weeks in and out of hospital having bloods scans and being prodded to see why my body was carrying on with a pregnany that wasnt lasting. on December 25th 2006 i finally started to m/c. It broke my heart. my OH was away on training and couldnt be there with me i was shattered and so ill...

March 2007, id been married 3 months when i started feeling really poorly, we'd been trying for a baby this time and i knew i was late so i ran down the chemist to get a test, tested straight away and there it was a huge big positive, i was so happy, i was staying with my mum a few days while OH worked away, when he came back i txted him just as he got out the taxi to say "Hi daddy, my name is SJ and i live in mummys tummy, i havent met you yet but i love you soooo much" took him about 5 minuites to click on but it finally hit him, he didnt seem to thrilled. he was scared, Next day i felt funny and all of a sudden WOOSH i felt a gush of blood, they rushed me into the hospital did all the checks but i felt fine i knew my baby was ok, they scanned me and sent me home, said to come back in 2 weeks so they could just check again.
2 weeks passed and it was the day my OH was due to leave to go on tour, there on the screen was our baby, little heartbeat everything, i was a little concerned as i was ment to be 8 weeks but scan had me at 6, i gave my OH a pic before waving him goodbye for 3 months i warned him next time you see me ill be a hippo!
2 weeks after that i started to bleed i paniced this time i knew something was wrong, they wouldnt scan me for 3 days, my mum took me to my next scan but i refused to look i knew and they confirmed it, my baby had died the exct same day id been scanned. I couldnt take it, i chose the option to m/c at home. I wish i didnt i was in so much pain but my parents didnt leave my side once. I then had to do the worst thing, tell my OH our much wanted baby had died.

January 2008- it was our wedding anniversary and i thought as a present i could do a test at first it was negative so threw it away but then when i went upstairs 5 minuites later it was a faint positive, i couldnt believe it!
It was majorly short lived as it proved to be a chemical pregnancy and i started my period a few days later. i didnt no what to think, i was hurt.

May- 2008- again we'd been trying for a baby we'd moved to a whole new city and was ready to try again. I had been feeling terrable for weeks, worse than ever before so i brought a test did it and left it in the bathroom i didnt want to see i was scared. after 5 minuites i went to check and there again was a positive. I was scared id been here before i darent tell anyone so terrified! i went straight to the dr's to check in and get a early scan. They booked me a scan for just over 7 weeks, the days flew each day i got worse feeling, sick hungry boobs hurt bad, i was happy, 3 days before my scan i bled a little, i paniced and went straight to A&E, they saw me straight away! On the screen was out beautiful baby they dated me at 6+1 instead of 6+6, but that didnt matter, i was allowed to keep my scan on the monday aswell so back we went on the monday and again there was out little champ all snug and warm.. i was on cloud 9, i could finally settle down, id seen the midwife at 9 weeks she was a bit stuck up but she was good, id been complaining about a constant ache i had. she said i was being silly and it was just my stomach expanding, shes my MW she should no. so 10 weeks come bang on, i was cooking the dinner when i got a huge pain next thing i knew i felt trickeling down my leg there was a small amount of pink watery fluid in my underwear, my OH rished me into hospital but i felt fine i still felt sick everything i had no worries at all.. went to be scanned and the dr asked how far i was. so i explained i was 10 weeks to there dates so nearly 11 by mine. he turned the screen and said he couldnt find baby with a US on top.. i knew then my baby should have been able to been seen with a putside US, he had to do a internal US to be sure by then i was shacking i knew, my baby had passed away at 7 weeks on the dot, my body just never told me. they insisted i had a D&C because they wanted to do RMC tests on me and test the baby.
I went back the next day for my D&C and i was treated brilliantly had my own room everything, unforchatly they were to late after the gave me the tablets to dialate me thetre wasnt ready and i m/ced there and then into a bed pan, i was so ill i could hardly move but my OH never left my side once, he caught me when i passed out, id just had my heart taken away in a bed pan, i vowed id never get attached so easily this time but i did, the fact was this baby stole mine and my OH's heart.

So this brings me to now. In sept 2008 i was told i have a genetical problem. a balanced trabslocation for 2 of my chromosomes that affects the growth of my baby and stops it, i spent the last year waiting for help on the NHS here to be told im to young and have to wait a year untill im 23.
so now we have desided to take a risk.. were going it alone. the risks of m/c are high but theres that chance we could get a good egg.

thankyou for reading this sorry its so long.
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