This isnt working - i am scared
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October 9th, 2009, 08:29 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Fort Bragg, NC
I am back to my old self again. I take my medicine or as i refer to it thanks to dh is my failure pill everyday like clockwork. its a small dose im still at 50mg but i am on edge and just want to be left alone. i am back at yelling at dd all the time and just too agravated to do anything. for example i was losing my mind as dh was in the field this past week and i had the kids by myself at night. normally i feel i am super mom to where i can literally do anything with them. I drop them off at daycare at 7 pick them up at 5 and make dinner and then i would bath them and what not and play and spend mommy time with them. However i push them to bed by 630 skip bathnights some night and just let them cry and at the same time im in my room crying.
I am doing counseling and everything that they said would help but its just getting worse.
I am scared because i am at my worse when dh is gone. the end of the year he will be leaving for his year long deployment. What am I going to do. I HAVE to fight this i really do i am tired of crying and what i say is neglecting my kids. I love them more than anything but i just feel like a failure becuase i am slipping again. I go have an appt on the 21st which seems sooo far away. I am afraid to tell my supervisor whats going on becuase i just dont want them to know right yet and thankfully this is something the clinic wont tell them.
My question is. Do you think I should tell my supervisor (I am in the military as well). Esp with dh leaving to deploy soon.
I work out a lot more becuase when i get stressed and whatnot that use to help just a tad bit. i find myself running 6-8 miles a day anymore. However it doesnt help anymore. I just feel I have a lot anger in me and i am about to explode!!!
I guess I just need help bad. I am hald tempted to if it gets worse to just go to the clinic but then my command will know that way and waht not. I am just lost.
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