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February 13th, 2010, 10:11 AM
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iMama iMama is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Maine
Posts: 967
Hi Ashley,

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I know the timing and circumstances are less than ideal, but it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders, and will make a great mother if that is what you decide to do. We all make mistakes, but I think it takes a lot of courage for you to be willing to take responsibility for them.

I think you need to do what feels right in your heart. I don't think you need to make a decision about whether or not you put your baby up for adoption right away. You're dealing with enough now as it is without having to make a huge decision like that. I think as time goes on you'll figure it out.

If l were in your shoes, I would tell the baby's father. Regardless of whether or not he wants to be involved, it is important that you get his medical history, and I think at the end of the day he deserves to know.

It's impossible to know what people are going to think of you. Odds are, there are probably going to be some out there who will judge you, but the important ones, your family and friends, are really the ones that matter. They know that you're a good person. You can't control what others think or say, but you can control how you behave and react to them. If people ask questions about the baby's father, you aren't obligated to give them all the details. I think it is sufficient to tell them that he isn't in the picture anymore, and if they pry, you have every right to say it's too hard to talk about. It's really not their business. In terms of professors or professional folks, they probably won't ask you personal details. I am going to be a single mother in July, and I've been so surprised by how positive people have been about my pregnancy. I've also been surprised by the lack of questions and judgment. It could be the case that things are happening behind my back, but professors, co-workers, and acquaintances have all been very kind. I think you can be absolutely be classy and a single mother at the same time. I worry about how people are going to judge me too, but I think getting larger and actually having the baby will force me to be less concerned about what others think.

Please feel free to join us ladies on the single mommies board! They are all really nice. I don't have any children yet, but they have been so welcoming and supportive. There is also a teen mothers board. I think a lot of the women who post there are mothers in their early twenties, so that might be another good place to find support. Also, if you haven't already, you should start taking prenatal vitamins. If you haven't started, don't stress out, but go get some as soon as you can. They will be good for you and your baby.

Please keep us posted on how you and your little one are doing!

-Ingrid
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