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I'm going to be brutally honest here...a lot of women are just in too much of a hurry to make BFing work. I was in a hurry with my first and, no surprise, it didn't work. My time could be better spent cooking or cleaning or whatever...I didn't take the time to fully appreciate what was really important. Then we lost two babies and when Myles was finally born healthy, I slowed way down and just enjoyed every single second with him. There is nothing better than snuggling with a warm cuddly baby at your breast. There is nothing more important.
As for your other child annoying you while you're BFing...we found it was a good time to put on a DVD or to read a book together...so I was bonding with BOTH boys. And if you get good enough at the technical part of it, you can do it with baby in a sling and you on the go (and nobody has to even know).
Slow down and just see what happens...that is the best advice anyone ever gave me...so that's the advice I give you now. Don't put the cart before the horse...don't set yourself up for failure by imagining everything that CAN go wrong. Just slow down, take a deep breath, and see what happens. There is nothing productive you can do with worry.
As for the sexual part of things...was SO's ex abused, by any chance? That is a typical reaction for victims of sexual abuse/crimes. They tend to confuse the emotions and, without the proper support, find it difficult to work through. If not, I would bet she didn't have very many healthy relationships in her life that allowed her to form a healthy view of the mother-child relationship and, by extension, the breastfeeding relationship. (I worked in Juvenile Court for three years and heard a lot of similar stories.)
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