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As of now, we have decided that if I am going back to school and we are putting the time, money and effort into that, then we are going to prevent pregnancy. I don't want to get part way through and then find out I'm pregnant and feel like I wasted all that money (once I'm pregnant, I'm staying at home with the baby.... no work, no school).
I just really kind of feel like it's over for me. And yeah, I can't handle being friends with anyone who might have an accidental pregnancy even if I know it's over for me. Doing this (school) means we are done TTC until I finish school for sure, and maybe even a year or so after so I can build up savings. By that time, I'll be 34 or 35 and I know that there are people who have babies at that age all the time. The thing is though, if I'm having these problems now, chances are they are only going to be even worse then! On the bright side, I'll be making great money, and be able to do some fertility treatments if I decided to later on. And if we chose to go with adoption, even that would be so much easier after school.
To be honest though.... it's not just having a baby. I just REALLY wanted to be pregnant and experience all that being pregnant brings just one more time. I really wanted Matt to experience the BFP, the ultrasounds, hearing the heartbeat, the delivery room..... the whole thing, just once. I really don't think it's going to happen now though.
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