[Aeterna]

I mourned the birth I didn't get with ds1. We were planning a homebirth and I ended up being induced at the hospital because he died. My first home visit was supposed to be the following week.

I never wanted to step foot on the L&D floor unless absolutely medically necessary. I was treated poorly because we were planning a homebirth. It was assumed I had glucose intolerance issues because I'm fluffy. The OB on call had poor bedside manners. I felt incriminated. The induction itself was straightforward and pretty fast, but it was all very traumatic. I had been planning/wanting a homebirth since my second pregnancy and fantasized about the experience, but deep down I had this feeling that I wasn't going to get my homebirth. I had a very gloom and doom feeling about the pregnancy that I couldn't shake. My worst fear became reality.

I mourned the loss of my sweet boy and the birth I had long planned and hoped for.