I really, REALLY grive my induction in general. It was so out of the blue and unexpected! I mean, on Tuesday I was taken off such strict bedrest (and I honestly changed nothing that I had been doing between Tuesday and Friday) and then on Friday they thought I was going to die.
I also really am traumatized by her presentation at birth - grey, limp, lifeless. 1 & 5 minute apgars were both 0 - the NICU team rushing in (never took her though, Thank God)..
and I am really grieving the fact that I don't remember the first time I breastfed her, the first time I really held her, none of that. I was so exhausted I just wanted to sleep. I was so exhausted the entire time we were in the hospital that we didn't take, like, any pictures. I think I have 5 total from the hospital and only 1 of me and her the night she was born.
