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-   -   My birth story finally....................... (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f1574-2011-birth-stories/2416499-my-birth-story-finally.html)

BlessednHighlyFavored September 19th, 2011 03:28 AM

My birth story finally.......................
Of course it's not one that I expected to writing. I was excited to write my birth story when we got this section up but now I wish I can redo the last couple weeks of my pregnancy.Anyways here goes...... I had a drs. apt aug 16 that included u.s along with nst. Everything seemed to be normal. I did notice a look on the tech face that day and asked her why she was looking that way and she just stated that baby was being "difficult". We didnt think nothing of it because he hated us and would always cooperate for a few minutes and then be like leave me the hell alone! :) I thought it was cute. So we left that apt and everything seemed perfect. O.k now flash foward...... I have another drs apt on Aug 29 which included the nst. All of my nst had seemed normal but it was something different about this one. His heartbeat kept getting light and disappearing but the lady just said he was changing positions. She noticed that he wasnt moving as much as he had in the past and she used this little buzzer thing. She said that doesnt mean that anything is wrong and he is just a little sleepy today. My blood pressure was also extremly high considering what it had been my whole pregnancy. this was the second time that haappened. Dr said she wasnt concerned because I had a "perfect pregnancy considering my health issues. She did think about inducing me that day but didnt because it wasnt any rooms available. So I was a little anxious and upset but new I would be having a baby that week. I left with the joke I will still see you to night because I am going to go home and rape dh until this little boy comes. It didnt work and at the end of the week I was still prgnant with the intent to be induced Sept. 2. So fast forward to Sept. 1. I woke excited!!!!!! 1 more day until I meet my fat man!!!!!!!He was 8 pounds Aug 16 so I knew he would be big. My heart was beating fast that day I thought because I was nervous with anticipation of having a date and time of when baby would arrive! I decided that my heart is beating real fast let me see what my blood pressure is!I wasnt having any other symptoms other than my heart beating fast. It wa 141/99!~ My blood pressure had been running in the 118 and lowers. So I decided I would lay around all day and wait for hubby to get home from work to finish any last minute task. I kept checking and it was going higher instead of down after resting. Then I started to get worried. I decided to put the dr on alert and she sounded very worried and suggest that I come in. I called dh and he rushed home to rush me to the hospital. So we get to the hospital on Set 1. When I get there, they already have everything set up and printed out for me. There were people there for me and I come in and go straight to a bed.They hook me up to the nst and the tech gets this worry look on her face., She seems new so I try and help her by telling were they usually find his heartbeat. Again I make jokes because he loves giving the drs problems. So after 10 min I say o.k. this is not like him and he is usually moving or let us get the heartbeat just to let him no he is ok. So she try for a total of 20 minutes and couldnt find a heartbeat. She leaves the room to find somebod to come help. I begin to give baby a prep talk and tell him how he is sc aring mommy and to stop playing..... She is taking to long and dh leaves the room to go find my mom because he puts a call in to her and drives up with getting lost so I am in the room by myself for about 10 min. She comes in with another nurse. This nurse tries for 10 min. They both are looking scared but keep saying everything is fine don't worry. So now they both leave the room and say they have to get a dr since they are having a hard time. The dr tries and finds nothing with a concerned look on his face. 2 of the 3 leave the room to go find a dr and us machine. The room is quiet and I am in panic mode even though they say everyhing is fine. They come with thhe machine in whatseems like eternity. They do us and looks at me and says nothing but sorry. I begin tyo scream and say no you are lying look again. dr looks again and says sorry your baby is gone. I begin to scream and cry and snatch my clothes off and say you are lying!This is a blessed room! I had a perfect pregnancy! I am having my baby tomorrow and he is just playing! I dont believe you ! I am going to deliver tomorrow! She said do you want me to check again! I scream of course because he not dead! I feel him moving now! I look over at my husband and mom and they they are crying!thats when it hits me that I am having a baby but I am not having a baby :(!
I begin to cry even harder to the point where I vomit. I begin to seize(i have epilepsy) because I ma so stressed. I then gets up like I didnt have a seizure and says I just had a bad dream wheres my baby?! they say again your baby died. maybe you should go home and think about what you want to do next. i get even more upset and tell them to get my baby now! they insist i go home and calm down. i then tell them no!if you send me home when i come back you will have two dead bodies because i am going to kill myself. my baby is gone and i dont want to go on either! they finally officially admit me. they confirmed that at som point baby turned breech and wanted me to still deliver vaginal!he was folled in half! how in the hell was i suppose to do that?!So after about 12 hours they decided to do a csect.I am very anxious because i still dont believe my baby is dead! So they do the csec and my son is in fact dead! they confirm that he had prob been dead for a while because his skin was peeling! there are more details but i am going to finish alittle later because it took me three hours to write this far and now its getting even harder as I think about the past events. I am going to try and post more later in this blog.......

Mom2twolittlemen September 19th, 2011 04:35 AM

Re: My birth story finally.......................
Nunie, thank you for sharing such personal thoughts and emotions with us. The day you lost your son a thread was started here on JM and hundreds of ladies where in prayer and mourning for your loss. Having a connection to what went on with you day and your family and your precious angel has helped all of us understand. I am so sorry that you have had to experience such a tragic loss. It just seems so unfair. :dothug:

You seem so spiritual and have a deep faith in god. I continue to pray for your family.

As you feel the need, please continue sharing your feelings. Did they allow photography or videography when your son was born? Any keepsakes you will have of him? Please share... we are all here to listen.

BlessednHighlyFavored September 19th, 2011 04:40 AM

Re: My birth story finally.......................
yes I have lots of keepsakesi will post pics later and a company called now you lay me down to sleep also did family pics for us but we havent gotten them yet....

Mom2twolittlemen September 19th, 2011 05:25 AM

Re: My birth story finally.......................
I am glad they gave you keepsakes of your precious baby boy. I am glad they provided support to you in that sense.

I was angry and dissatisfied how you were treated by the staff per reading your birth story, but it relieves me to know they hooked you up with people that provided you with emotional support during the grieving process.

BlessednHighlyFavored September 19th, 2011 06:25 AM

Re: My birth story finally.......................
here ae some pics of the keepsake


KnJ'sMomma727 September 19th, 2011 06:29 AM

Re: My birth story finally.......................
From the Jan DDC. Just wanted to say that I'm soo sorry for your loss! I couldnt imagine your pain! Your son is beautiful, I saw his pictures! My thoughts are with you and your family!

RawrMeansILoveYou September 19th, 2011 09:03 AM

Re: My birth story finally.......................
I'm so sorry for your loss...you are incredibly strong for handling it the way you have and for sticking around and being supportive of us. We really enjoy your company.

Were they able to confirm exactly what went wrong? Why and how you lost him? Was it a problem with his heart? I just wonder because a friend of mine had a still born and I still haven't heard what happened. I wonder what can go wrong this late in the game.

majicmaid September 19th, 2011 09:07 AM

Re: My birth story finally.......................
That must have been so hard to write. I was bawling just reading it. You are often in my thoughts.

BlessednHighlyFavored September 19th, 2011 09:07 AM

Re: My birth story finally.......................
I havent heard anything and i just had a drs. Apt on the 29 and dr. Stated that everything was perfect!

RawrMeansILoveYou September 19th, 2011 09:18 AM

Re: My birth story finally.......................
Wow, well I'm sorry. I guess that is one of those things that just happens without an explanation. God may have had a reason of his own. Will you and your husband try again?

Mom2twolittlemen September 19th, 2011 09:28 AM

Re: My birth story finally.......................
Nunie, those are such beautiful keepsakes. I wish you could have more than just that, but to know that your angel is watching over others is such warm thought.

As the grieving process continues, please come and share your feelings and thoughts.

Hazel September 19th, 2011 09:30 AM

Re: My birth story finally.......................
{{hugs}} I'm so sorry :(

robinmichele87 September 19th, 2011 09:30 AM

Re: My birth story finally.......................
I'm so sorry and I'm just sitting here speechless because what can you say to someone who has lost their child? It makes me heart sick to see you ladies going through this..it's something beyond imagination I'm sure until you go through it. I wish they would have treated you better in that time of need instead of just being so flat and seemingly cold with you. I hope they are able to give you some answers about what happened to little Napoleon. I can't imagine how hard that must have been for you to go in thinking you were going to meet your little man and then face this news.
You are in my thoughts and prayers, as are the other ladies that have lost their precious little ones. It doesn't seem fair or right..I guess the only comfort is knowing that God has a plan although none of us know it and sometimes don't agree with it. I will continue to lift you and your family up in prayer. Napoleon was beautiful and was blessed to spend those 9 months with a mama like you. Please feel free to share more with us as you feel comfortable.

MarisaKay September 19th, 2011 10:00 AM

Re: My birth story finally.......................
I am so sorry. I don't know what to say except I am praying for you and your family. Your little angel was just beautiful.

momie2b9-20-11 September 19th, 2011 10:00 AM

Re: My birth story finally.......................
Thanks so much for sharing!!! I hope it helps some to get it out there and let your emotions and feeling known - if it helps you continue to do so, we are here for you!!! I can never imagine the feelings/emotions/stress, ect... you've been through but I can pray for you and think about you at this difficult time in your life! My little girl gave me quite a scare the other day as she is usually a wiggle worm and hadn't moved all morning. I told DH to get the doppler out so I can hear her heart beat. He couldn't find it right away and I went hysterical crying and almost screaming to him. Luckily she had dropped and found her hb lower then where it usually is. I can never image the pain if I didn't find that hb and had to go through the suffering you did! I wish there was something I could say or do to help take your pain and suffering away but know that will just take time. Again, we are all here for you!!!

MommyShan September 19th, 2011 10:19 AM

Re: My birth story finally.......................
I sit here trying to put into words what I'm feeling for you but I just don't have them. My heart breaks for you and your family. I can't even imagine what you must have been going through. It's not fair and I'm so, so sorry that you had to experience this. I truly believe that God has a plan for you and this happened for a reason, but we may never know what that reason is. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Justiah September 19th, 2011 10:32 AM

Re: My birth story finally.......................
:cry: I am so so so sorry that this happened I could not believe it when I read it I can't imagine what your feeling but keep faith that god will heal you and something good will come of his short time with us! I will continue to pray!!! Please know we are here for you to grieve or to talk to in this incredibly hard time god bless you and your family!

BlessednHighlyFavored September 19th, 2011 11:24 AM

Re: My birth story finally.......................
I really appreciate you ladies allowing me to talk freely. I try and be careful what to say because I dont want to bring you all down. We should all be celebrating this long time waiting so just let me know when I am being to much cause once I get started sometimes its hard to stop because it feels so good getting it out........

2015 Offshoremama78 September 19th, 2011 12:09 PM

Re: My birth story finally.......................
I sit here and I cry for you.. I cant imagine your thoughts and feelings, I have been in the situation and know each person is different. I pray for you and your family every night and hope that you find answers and a peace of mind once you do.. Just know that we are here for you if you need to cry, cry.. If you need to scream, do it.. We are here to help you through out this and give you support.. You are a great person and I am so very glad to have met you.. Love you guys..

mom2moose September 19th, 2011 12:53 PM

Re: My birth story finally.......................
So, so very sorry. I cannot imagine your pain and grief. My thoughts have been with you.

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