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tricia_16_ March 25th, 2013 03:04 PM

Expectations
 
Do I expect too much from Kaylee?

I expect her to listen to me when I tell her not to touch something; and yes, I expect her to listen the FIRST time I ask her. I expect her to listen to "no." I expect her to help get dressed (put her arm in her coat sleeve, put her hat on, etc) and I expect her to follow simple directions like, "Go get your sippy cup." I KNOW she knows how to do these things, and she has done them many, many times in the past.

Now she is a devil baby and refuses to listen to basically anything I say, and to me, that is unacceptable!

I have gotten comments like, "She's just a baby! Give her a break!"

What do you guys think? Do you have similar expectations?

mandy5586 March 25th, 2013 03:27 PM

I think that they are exploring, learning, pushing their limits, etc. so sure, it'd be nice for them to listen on the first try but I just don't think that's a realistic expectation of a toddler their age. Brynlee is good at following directions, but I often tell her "no" repeatedly...especially when she touches candles (unlit). She's getting an attitude right now. No! No! No!!

breathing for two March 25th, 2013 03:32 PM

Re: Expectations
 
I don't expect that much, because they really don't always understand.

We might think that they know clearly what we expect out of them, but I haven't seen evidence of that with my own kids. When I have an expectation it takes more than just talking, it takes showing, sometimes even taking their arms and gently showing them what I want them to do, over and over again. And sometimes, if they're not developmentally ready, the lesson still will not stick. They might forget what was previously taught, or be so caught up in their own feeling that they're too overwhelmed to realize our desires.
:2cents:

Rachel March 25th, 2013 03:55 PM

Re: Expectations
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by mandy5586 (Post 27228547)
I think that they are exploring, learning, pushing their limits, etc. so sure, it'd be nice for them to listen on the first try but I just don't think that's a realistic expectation of a toddler their age.

I agree.

navywifey2003 March 26th, 2013 12:41 AM

Re: Expectations
 
IMO yes you are. I wish I could get my almost 6 year old to listen the first time let alone Everett. While yes she is getting older she is still in between baby/toddler/child stage where sometimes they can be great listeners, other times they can be babies, and then somedays they can surprise us and act like little kids. I think when we put such high expectations at this age we are bound to get frustrated or mad easily and that rubs off on them.

Dee Darling 3 March 26th, 2013 10:29 AM

Re: Expectations
 
My 4 yr old and 6 yr old don't always listen the first time I say something. I certainly don't expect little rose to either. It may take a little time for her to process the directions too.

Honestly if you expect this now, you'll end up like me DH that is constantly getting frustrated with K and M when they don't listen/follow directions the first time he says something. (I really need to talk to him about this).

irishblessing March 26th, 2013 12:10 PM

Re: Expectations
 
Hmm, yes and no. I don't expect Dominic to help dress himself. If he's not running away from me screaming and kicking I consider myself lucky :rolleyes: He does try to help with some aspects (getting shoes on is his favorite, and does put his arm into his coat usually, but the main dressing part he is not into (shirt, diaper, pants, socks etc) and I always make a big deal about it when he is helpful! So you can try a lot of praise/clapping etc when she does help (if you haven't tried that already)

I think honestly it depends on the kid, the situation, and how their behavior is in response to you. For Dominic, I can see the devious look, the smirk, and other behaviors that let me know he is not listening just to challenge me. That isn't okay. I don't expect him to listen to me the first time all the time, I do give him a few warnings but after that he does get a short time out. I don't think your expectations with wanting her to listen to "Don't touch" are too high. That is a safety thing as well as a specific direction. I always thought NO is kind of vague and no wonder they don't always listen. I mean how many times a day to we say NO about well, next to everything lol. But Don't Touch is pretty specific. I find it's best to say their name (gets attention) and then give the direction. So, "Dominic" then wait till they are paying attention "Don't Touch" then you know they heard you... and they should be expected to listen within reason (in my opinion)

I don't really expect him to listen to directions to go get things. If she does fine, if not fine. They are coming up on 2/3 years too so I'm expecting all hell to break loose soon haha

andi2284 March 26th, 2013 01:10 PM

Re: Expectations
 
Quote:

IMO yes you are. I wish I could get my almost 6 year old to listen the first time let alone Everett. While yes she is getting older she is still in between baby/toddler/child stage where sometimes they can be great listeners, other times they can be babies, and then somedays they can surprise us and act like little kids. I think when we put such high expectations at this age we are bound to get frustrated or mad easily and that rubs off on them.
:iagree:

Just_Marie March 26th, 2013 09:09 PM

Re: Expectations
 
From experience they push the limits whether they understand or not, but I don't implement consequences until four, prior to that its about redirection and safety and reminding them of the rules

momie2b9-20-11 March 27th, 2013 10:42 AM

Re: Expectations
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by irishblessing (Post 27231338)
Hmm, yes and no. I don't expect Dominic to help dress himself. If he's not running away from me screaming and kicking I consider myself lucky :rolleyes: He does try to help with some aspects (getting shoes on is his favorite, and does put his arm into his coat usually, but the main dressing part he is not into (shirt, diaper, pants, socks etc) and I always make a big deal about it when he is helpful! So you can try a lot of praise/clapping etc when she does help (if you haven't tried that already)

I think honestly it depends on the kid, the situation, and how their behavior is in response to you. For Dominic, I can see the devious look, the smirk, and other behaviors that let me know he is not listening just to challenge me. That isn't okay. I don't expect him to listen to me the first time all the time, I do give him a few warnings but after that he does get a short time out. I don't think your expectations with wanting her to listen to "Don't touch" are too high. That is a safety thing as well as a specific direction. I always thought NO is kind of vague and no wonder they don't always listen. I mean how many times a day to we say NO about well, next to everything lol. But Don't Touch is pretty specific. I find it's best to say their name (gets attention) and then give the direction. So, "Dominic" then wait till they are paying attention "Don't Touch" then you know they heard you... and they should be expected to listen within reason (in my opinion)

I don't really expect him to listen to directions to go get things. If she does fine, if not fine. They are coming up on 2/3 years too so I'm expecting all hell to break loose soon haha

Ditto!! I can tell when Kynslee is just too caught up or not really paying attention and when she is just doing something to try and get her way and be naughty. Like, when I ask her to come here and she looks at me and starts running away. She will usually get in trouble for that as we want her to learn to come here and also safety reasons (like sometimes she likes to run away and is running towards cars in the parking lot). If I feel like she honestly doesn't understand (and we can usually tell when that is) I don't expect much from her. BUT, when she gets an attitude or on purpose touches something, hits us, runs away, yells no at us, ect.... then we try and give her small punishments. We have recently taught her to say I'm sorry. So, if she throws a fit (at home or out) I pick her up and tell her what she did wrong and ask her to tell mommy/daddy your sorry. That has really helped recently. And, a while back we started telling her to say "bye bye" to things that she was touching that we didn't want her to touch. She learned pretty quickly and it was fun for her to wave at the item and tell it bye bye and she would usually leave it alone (though obviously they need to be reminded several times about telling it bye bye).


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