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everafter July 2nd, 2011 10:02 PM

It was even worse than I thought =( !!!!!
 
I did it =(

It was worse than I thought =( .....

He just sat there and said "I knew it....I shouldn't have done anything with you"....

I told him after a while that he said he didn't want me to move out and he loves me when the final papers came in and he said "Because I knew you wouldn't be able to save enough to move out"

*Bummer*

I said "You said you love me"....he said "And I do, but that doesn't change that we're divorced and that you were supposed to move out !!!!!!!"

I knew he didn't believe me that this wasn't planned and I pleaded my case, but he just had this stupid grin on his face like "Whatever"....

We argued about finances again and how everything is "****** up" now....

He was sooooo cold and mean again....just like when I was begging not to divorce me.

I have to try super hard now to save as much as I can and maybe the 0.1 % love he still has for me will open his heart for me again....but....honestly, I doubt it.....

Why did I do this to myself....?????

Why did I not learn to be more financially responsible ???

This is (his words) the reason why our marriage failed....finances, because he "chose to not put up with any of my fiancial bull**** anymore".....

My life is officially over.....

All these deep meaningful looks from him, meant NOTHING.....

All these smiles, meant NOTHING.....

All the words "Lets see what the future holds", meant NOTHING.....

"I DO love you, Diana", meant NOTHING !!!!!!!!!

*bawling*

He doesn't love me, never has and won't ever again =(

acupofjoe July 2nd, 2011 10:22 PM

Re: It was even worse than I thought =( !!!!!
 
do not let him make you feel bad..he is a grown man and any real man knows that when you put your d*ck inside of a woman a child is created!!! im so sorry i just hate hate hate men like that...sex is for making babys (pleasure as well) but it is for MAKING CHILDREN and when they act like an arsehole and try to blame it back on the woman only. oh man it gets my panties in a bunch. im so sorry hun, keep your head up and things will be ok in the end with or without him.

also i am praying maby he is in "shock" and will get over it for your familys sake.

everafter July 2nd, 2011 10:37 PM

Re: It was even worse than I thought =( !!!!!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by acupofjoe (Post 24284426)
do not let him make you feel bad..he is a grown man and any real man knows that when you put your d*ck inside of a woman a child is created!!! im so sorry i just hate hate hate men like that...sex is for making babys (pleasure as well) but it is for MAKING CHILDREN and when they act like an arsehole and try to blame it back on the woman only. oh man it gets my panties in a bunch. im so sorry hun, keep your head up and things will be ok in the end with or without him.

also i am praying maby he is in "shock" and will get over it for your familys sake.

I don't know :( .....

He did all these little things the last couple of months that contradict what he said tonight (that we don't have a relationship, that we ARE divorced).....he included me in home improvement decisions, he asked me whether I have changed my mind about US (!!!), he didn't want to adopt a new dog until we've had a talk about US (!!!), then when I told him that I haven't changed my mind about US, that I love him and always will, he put in an application for a mommy and baby dog, he looked at me with these deep and meaningful looks, smiles and laughs.....all that all of a sudden was my imagination tonight ???????? All that really meant NOTHING ?????

I'm sooooooo devastated.....

But....time to pick myself up and start taking care of MYSELF, physically, mentally and financially !!!!!!

I can do it and I will show him what he's going to miss !!!!!!!!!

BeckyBozeman July 2nd, 2011 10:44 PM

Re: It was even worse than I thought =( !!!!!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by everafter (Post 24284466)
But....time to pick myself up and start taking care of MYSELF, physically, mentally and financially !!!!!!

This is the thing to keep in your mind, for yourself, for your sons, and for that little bean you're carrying.

I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this right now... hopefully he will come around when he has a chance to absorb the news and think about what he wants. But if he doesn't remember that you're going to have three little ones that need and love you. And if your ex doesn't want to be a part of that then yes, it is his loss...

Good luck and you'll be in my prayers...

doremi July 2nd, 2011 10:54 PM

Re: It was even worse than I thought =( !!!!!
 
I'm so sorry things didn't go as you had hoped they would. Do NOT let him make you feel like this was entirely your fault. You BOTH created this baby, and you BOTH need to take responsibility for it, regardless of what happens between the two of you from here on out. I think your mindset of starting to take care of yourself mentally, physically and financially is exactly right... be the best mommy you can possibly be for your two boys and this little bean. :dothug:

acupofjoe July 2nd, 2011 11:03 PM

Re: It was even worse than I thought =( !!!!!
 
hmm if you are wanting to work everything out i would personally sit him down and maby see about counceling or something? id also ask him why he did X Y Z and now is acting as if he couldnt care less about the relationship. the most important thing though is you and your children and you deserve to be happy. i wish you the best of luck! i really do hope that once it sinks in maby he will change his mind and come around.

everafter July 2nd, 2011 11:05 PM

Re: It was even worse than I thought =( !!!!!
 
Oh, I know he will take care of his children, he always has and I know he always will....

He's a good guy, despite what he's doing to me....I've been at great fault for the ending of our marriage....he's tried over several years to try to make me understand I'm hurting myself by being so irresponsible, but I just didn't want to hear it....and now I'm paying the price for it =(

CeilidhBrennan July 3rd, 2011 12:50 AM

Re: It was even worse than I thought =( !!!!!
 
Oh hunny I am so so sorry :(

jess_ken July 3rd, 2011 03:29 AM

Re: It was even worse than I thought =( !!!!!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by everafter (Post 24284466)
I don't know :( .....

He did all these little things the last couple of months that contradict what he said tonight (that we don't have a relationship, that we ARE divorced).....he included me in home improvement decisions, he asked me whether I have changed my mind about US (!!!), he didn't want to adopt a new dog until we've had a talk about US (!!!), then when I told him that I haven't changed my mind about US, that I love him and always will, he put in an application for a mommy and baby dog, he looked at me with these deep and meaningful looks, smiles and laughs.....all that all of a sudden was my imagination tonight ???????? All that really meant NOTHING ?????

I'm sooooooo devastated.....

But....time to pick myself up and start taking care of MYSELF, physically, mentally and financially !!!!!!

I can do it and I will show him what he's going to miss !!!!!!!!!



*big hugs*
I will totally kick his DB *** for you (hopefully he wont call the cops for getting battered by a woman who is pregnant with twins)


I hope you are able to pull things together and move out of the toxic environment he's creating (can you move back home, or someplace else, temporarily, until you can get on your feet?) You need to take care of YOU and YOUR BABY! If he doesn't want to take responsibility now, he will sure as heck be taking it when that sweet child is born and you DEMAND child support! (do not let him finagle out of that one!)
You have a responsibility to that baby to help yourself, and stop worrying about him. He will continue to pull your strings and mess with you because he thinks hes got a hold on you. He has this notion that you want things to work so badly you'll do anything, well let him go. You deserve so much better than that, because you are a wonderful person, and you are the mother of his 3 beautiful children. Once you assert your independence, if he comes crawling back, it becomes your choice whether to accept him, not his.

Right now, this baby is more important than him. You are responsible for the baby, not him. You need healthy relationships for the baby's sake. You need happiness and less stress for the baby's sake. This baby is depending on you for everything, and the negative energy from him is not helping grow a strong baby.


I hope I didn't specifically badmouth your ex in this (I try not to badmouth people I don't know in person), and I hope you are able to put the baby before your XH, and that he realizes he is not the sun in your Heliocentric universe.
If you need anything, let us know!
and sorry for the lack of sugar-coating. I've never been good at sugar-coating.

anybodyinthere July 3rd, 2011 05:20 AM

Re: It was even worse than I thought =( !!!!!
 
What he is doing right now is finding every reason that he possibly can to put YOU at fault. He realizes that the pregnancy took BOTH of you and that he is just as responsible for this baby as you are and because this doesn't fit his plan, he is trying to find any way possible to take his bad feelings and assign YOU as the source of them. This is pretty classic.

Regardless of what else in the relationship might have needed fixing, the baby situation is a team effort. He needs to pull his head out of his ***. If he wasn't going to finally split up BEFORE the baby, it makes no sense for him to want to do it NOW unless the split really is about him just dodging responsibility for anything that isn't easy...

Regardless of whether or not he takes you back, I would suggest that you save aside your own money as much as you can so that you will have a way out and finances will never be the thing that keep you with him. :(

I'm sorry this happened. :(

TNTGarner July 3rd, 2011 05:56 AM

Re: It was even worse than I thought =( !!!!!
 
I am so sorry he did not take the news well. That being said, I agree 100% with the ladies who already posted. I hope in time he accepts the wonderful gift he has been given and gets his head out of his arse. In the meantime, continue to take care of you and your beautiful kids. The fact that you admit fault in the marriage is a huge step and if he cant see that you are truly trying to change then move on. Nothing is worse than being stuck in a toxic relationship and the kids being involved in it as well. I really hope he comes around in the next couple of days. My thoughts and prayers are with you!

MarinaAndCharlie'sMommy July 3rd, 2011 07:30 AM

Re: It was even worse than I thought =( !!!!!
 
The other ladies are right. It's time for you to pick yourself up and do whatever you can to provide a safe and healthy environment for your kiddos and this little bean. To put the blame on you for absolutely everything is disgusting. Like I said before, it's not like you can get prego on your own! It honestly sounds like you will be so much better off without him. You deserve to be with someone who values you does not make you doubt your self worth. You are an amazing woman and mommy and if he can't see that his loss will definately be someone else's gain! Praying you have a smooth transition to making a life on your own for your babies. :dothug: We are here to listen to you vent, offer advice, etc. whatever and whenever you need, hun.

~Meg July 3rd, 2011 07:53 AM

Re: It was even worse than I thought =( !!!!!
 
I'm so sorry you are going through this.
There are so many help options out there for single mothers. They can usually help you find affordable housing and some even help with the deposit. You just have to look around for it or ask friends that have been through it. My sister went through it with her ex and there was job and family but also this local place that provided her with the first months rent and security deposit. They just required her to have a job to be able to pay the monthly rent.
Also go after him for child support if you haven't already. That money will help you a ton and help you be able to provide food and clothes for the kids. When you work out a deal of your own the guy usually falls through and will skip making payments since the courts aren't involved.
My parents were divorced and my dad was still very active in our lives he paid a ton in support, took us every other weekend and would have taken us more if we hadn't hated staying at his house with his strict curfew rules lol. My mom was a single mom of 5 for years until she married my step dad. And I'm not sure how she did it. But I know I've never admired a stronger woman. You'll get through it and your kids will respect you for working hard for them.

-3-Hearts July 3rd, 2011 08:38 AM

Re: It was even worse than I thought =( !!!!!
 
wow this is really awful. youre right, its time to move on and stop chasing after someone who doesnt want to be with you anymore and is blaming you for everything. you can do it on your own, trust me. theres plenty of help out there for those who ask for it. he knew if you had sex there was a chance you could get pregnant, unless of course you told him you were on the pill, or shot, or something like that. but even then, there is still a chance. if he was that desperate for some, he should have gotten him a prostitute, then he wouldn't be in this mess. he's an idiot

CandiceW July 3rd, 2011 09:08 AM

Re: It was even worse than I thought =( !!!!!
 
I am sooooooo sorry {{HUGS}}

KnJ'sMomma727 July 3rd, 2011 09:19 AM

Re: It was even worse than I thought =( !!!!!
 
oh hun. =( he's probably just in that angry state of shock. Give it a few days. See if it changes. Try to prove to him that the reason he didn't want to be with you has changed. Try to win him over. It took two and he should realize that. Hang in there.

glitterific July 3rd, 2011 09:42 AM

Re: It was even worse than I thought =( !!!!!
 
I'm so sorry *big hugs*

Indymommy7 July 3rd, 2011 02:39 PM

Re: It was even worse than I thought =( !!!!!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by acupofjoe (Post 24284426)
do not let him make you feel bad..he is a grown man and any real man knows that when you put your d*ck inside of a woman a child is created!!! im so sorry i just hate hate hate men like that...sex is for making babys (pleasure as well) but it is for MAKING CHILDREN and when they act like an arsehole and try to blame it back on the woman only. oh man it gets my panties in a bunch. im so sorry hun, keep your head up and things will be ok in the end with or without him.

also i am praying maby he is in "shock" and will get over it for your familys sake.

Though this isn't the most eloquent way of putting (that said, EXACTLY how I'D put it, lol) this is exactly the kind of thing that grinds my gear!

My ex to this day still says how I went and "got myself" pregnant to this day, "with all those kids."

I should be the richest woman in the world for THAT accomplishment!

-Anna- July 3rd, 2011 02:56 PM

Re: It was even worse than I thought =( !!!!!
 
I'm sorry. :( Maybe he just needs time to think about it and adjust to the thought.

manicmama July 3rd, 2011 03:23 PM

Re: It was even worse than I thought =( !!!!!
 
Sounds like you two have a unique relationship and are able to still talk reasonably openly, which is a good start.

You knew that he wouldn't be thrilled, and he isn't. But from what you have said, he sounds like he is not the type to leave you high and dry. So if it were me, I would make every headway I could to get myself into a good space, just to show him you can, even when pg. I know getting a job might be hard, but perhaps just demonstrating that you "get it" by saving money will help over time...?

I know this may not be a popular opinion, but "its not over till its over" and a lot can happen in the coming months as the baby grows. I would try to keep calm and rational (as a pg woman can!) as the months go by. I also agree with the other poster who suggested counseling. If there is still love there, a counselor could help you get over/work through the other seemingly insurmountable obstacles. Is he amenable to counseling at all?

Anyway, good luck with everything. I will pray that he realizes what a blessing that is coming his way.


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