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MarylandMama December 22nd, 2012 10:39 AM

Ho ho horrible Christmas
Sorry to vent about this (I will try to keep it short) but it's hard to look at people and talk about all this. My family (to clarify, with parents and siblings) is a train wreck. My grandma, mom's mom that I was really close to, passed away right around Thanksgiving. About an hour, my dad, who has always treated me pretty badly, started screaming at me for being there. Only my two year old in the house at the time. I haven't spoken to him since bc I can't handle being treated that way anymore. My mom is having jealousy issues bc I have a really close relationship with her sister. I think she thinks she is going to get pushed out bc I won't be around my dad. I asked her to go shopping with me this morning to try to help the situation and just spend some time with her. We were still in the car when she started in on my relationship with my aunt. Part of the reason I'm so close to her is that I spent a moot if time with her growing up bc my parents were always busy with my brother and sister's sports. (I am not athletic, so I was just dubbed lazy and given a hard time for it.)

My parents and siblings were supposed to come to our house on Christmas morning for a breakfast I planned for everyone, just like last year. I mentioned that I invited my aunt, uncle, and grandfather (who is spending his first Christmas without my grandmother since he was overseas in WWII) and all hell broke loose. She complained that we didn't have enough room for everyone and that no one else would want to do that. I don't get why people can't just push their chairs closer together for breakfast. Big deal. I think the illusion to "other people" is really about my dad who, for some unknown reason, has never liked my aunt. And my mom knows I really don't want him in my home at all and am tolerating him for the sake of everyone else and Christmas. The drive hoe was a screaming match and I have been in tears for the last couple of hours.

This family stuff has been crazy stressful since my grandma first went into the hospital at the very beginning of November. Since she passed, I have cried almost every day missing her and also over my position with my family (I am basically not a part of it anymore bc everyone else is willing to accept my dad's behaviors, he doesn't treat any of them the way he treats me). The holidays just magnify everything.

Sorry for the long saga. My real concern is how this stress is affecting the baby. I am 14 weeks and this has been going on since was 9 weeks. It is to the point that I am stressing over my stress level, which can't be good. My husband is great and he tries so hard to be there for me, but nothing seems to help and everything gets worse by the day...

Just realized there are a million ridiculous typos in that. Trying to type quickly on a tablet does not work well.

MrsLat December 22nd, 2012 11:44 AM

Re: Ho ho horrible Christmas
I am so sorry to hear about what is going on with your situation and the stress level it has put you on :(. I really hope that your parents can suck it up and make an effort to be civil on Christmas. If you really don't think they can... I don't know if I, personally, would even do the breakfast. But that is just me! You have to take care of yourself, your family and that little baby first and foremost. Hopefully everything else can calm down in time.

I wish I had some advice. I am really sorry again.

MarylandMama December 22nd, 2012 01:22 PM

Re: Ho ho horrible Christmas
Thanks. I really appreciate your kind words. I'm still going to plan to do breakfast and whoever shows up can enjoy it as long as they can be kind and Christmasy. If they can't, then DH will show them the door. It would just be really nice if we could all be merry.

enchantingdragon December 22nd, 2012 01:31 PM

Re: Ho ho horrible Christmas
Im so sorry you are dealing with this and your family is treating you like this especially right after the holidays. is it possible some of this is grief thats coming out from the death of your grandma? So sorry again and hope you have a good holiday in spite of this.

MerinSun December 22nd, 2012 01:41 PM

Re: Ho ho horrible Christmas
Holy crap, you typed that all out on a tablet? You must be filled with some powerful rage!

I'm sorry you are going through all of this. Maybe you could tell your mom that if she feels that people would be invading her personal space too much at breakfast she is more than welcome to come later when people are more spread out.

As for your baby, take deep breaths, get lots of rest, eat well and go for daily walks. If you feel you had a particularly stressful day try to set some time aside during the evening time to just hang and talk to your belly. Look at pictures of babies, nurseries, etc. That will help make you feel better and get you to focus on bonding with your baby. The only thing that will hurt your baby during times of grief is if you can't breathe regularly and are not taking care of yourself. Being sad does not travel across the umbilical cord :) S/he is happy listening to your heartbeat and voice to take any notice.

mommyandwife08 December 22nd, 2012 01:44 PM

Re: Ho ho horrible Christmas
I am so sorry that you are dealing with all of this, especially at Christmas. I am so sorry about the loss of your grandma. I dont have any advice but you and your family will be in my thoughts. I hope everyone is able to come and have a great Christmas morning at your house!

Kim3 December 22nd, 2012 01:55 PM

Re: Ho ho horrible Christmas
Just wanted to send some hugs. I agree with making the invite and letting others chose to accept or decline.

MamaSkunk December 22nd, 2012 02:18 PM

Re: Ho ho horrible Christmas
First...breathe and try not to stress. Your babys gonna be ok Cause im sure your grandma is watching over little one.
Secondly if anyone starts fighting either you or DH can ask them to leave. And if you have to you can use the cant stress out the pregnant woman tactic.
Thirdly remember that when families come together theres always gonna be that one or two people that start problems because they are being selfish and childish. You cant control that so dont stress about it. They own the problem not you.

MarylandMama December 22nd, 2012 06:01 PM

Re: Ho ho horrible Christmas
Thanks so much for the kind words and support, ladies. I really appreciate it. DH took me, DD, and my grandpa to a drive through lights display and then for some frozen yogurt. Didn't help solve the problems, but it was really sweet. Thanks again, so much, everyone.

sunnydaze December 23rd, 2012 04:54 AM

Re: Ho ho horrible Christmas
I read something somewhere that said

"You can't force someone to be respectful but you can refuse to be disrespected."

I think more people need to have this mindset. It is your home, and your rules, and like your DH said...they can like it or leave.

Stick to your guns.

mommy220 December 23rd, 2012 04:59 AM

Re: Ho ho horrible Christmas
I am so sorry. Your family sounds kinda like mine. My parents always fought on Christmas and I remember walking on egg shells every year not wanting a fight on Christmas eve. I hated it. So if my mom starts fighting with someone when she is in my home I immediately ask her to leave if she wants to act like that. She kinda gets the picture but it's an ongoing battle. HUGS! I hope you are able to have a good Christmas despite them.

QueenCrafty December 23rd, 2012 05:07 AM

I hate that your family can't suck it up and spend Christmas together without fighting. Hopefully the breakfast will go well. I'm sorry you have been under so much stress. Try not to worry about its effects on the baby. I have really high anxiety and always get super stressed during my pregnancies. My two little girls are as happy as can be despite my own issues. I'm sure your baby will be perfectly happy as well

4hearts December 23rd, 2012 01:02 PM

Re: Ho ho horrible Christmas
:hug: That all sounds absolutely awful :( I'm sorry you're going through it. You're doing the right thing and your parents are being childish.

navywifey2003 December 23rd, 2012 03:08 PM

Re: Ho ho horrible Christmas
I am so sorry! Huge hugs Hun!

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