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-   -   Incredibly Selfish or Just Pregnancy Hormones? (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f2038-2013-playroom/2637945-incredibly-selfish-just-pregnancy-hormones.html)

sapphire116 March 26th, 2013 06:33 AM

Incredibly Selfish or Just Pregnancy Hormones?
Let me preface this post by saying that this has a little to do with my baby and a lot to do with my feelings. I just found out that my parents took in a foster child (17 year old girl with the emotional and mental capacity of a 13 year old). My mother is 64, had a hip replacement last year which put her on disability after 40 years as a nurse, and will be getting double knee replacements in the next few months. At age 63, my dad finally found a part time job after 3 years of unemployment.

My parents have never fostered before, and they just sprung this on me. I tried to sound happy, but inside I am seething. I live 800 miles away and was counting on my mom and dad to visit when the baby's born. Now they either won't come, will come in shifts, or they will be coming with a 17 year old who I don't know at all. My parents have always vowed to take care of my grandmother who lives next door, and at age 91 she is needing a lot of supervision which I feel she won't get now that my parents have a teenager to look after. Also, coupled with my moms physical ailments, I think it was an incredibly stupid decision.

I'm extremely hurt that at a time when they should be focusing on their grandchildren and starting to enjoy retirement, they've decided to substitute parent. I feel like I've been replaced. I'm 30 years old with a loving husband, and I know I shouldn't care what my parents do in their life, but I can't help but feel like they've abandoned me. My husband is supportive, but I know he thinks I'm being a little selfish. Am I? Do you think I am way more upset about this partly because of pregnancy hormones?

Sorry for the rant, I just really needed to get this out.

Tinky March 26th, 2013 06:47 AM

Re: Incredibly Selfish or Just Pregnancy Hormones?
I think it is hormones, not selfishness. You aree worried about them and all they have on their plate and disappointed that there is a chance you won't get to enjoy your new baby with your family. It is difficult being around people you don't know, people tend to act different and you shouldn't have to act anyway but yourself. What about respite care? I know foster homes will generally have a back-up for the foster parents if they have a situation arise where they cannot take care of their charge for a short while. maybe the foster can go their long noughfor you to have a visit from your folks?

I don't mean any of that to sound harsh to the girl, I understand there are situations and sometimes it is for the best for kids to be out of their own home either for their safety or the rest of the house. There is several months to get things put in place. I hope it all works out.

**On a side note, we are only a couple hours from eachother, maybe one day our August babies can play:)

alittlelost March 26th, 2013 06:54 AM

Re: Incredibly Selfish or Just Pregnancy Hormones?
Maybe it's pregnancy hormones. It's normal to think, "Wow, really?! you're taking on all that in your situation?" but at the same time, personally, I'd be so proud of my parents if they did something like that. It's really a selfless thing, and they may just be giving a young woman a better shot at life. That said, no way to say how things will pan out, but hopefully it all works out in the end.

Tinky March 26th, 2013 07:02 AM

Re: Incredibly Selfish or Just Pregnancy Hormones?
Yeah Lost. I am so glad you made those points. i completely agree with them. It IS a wonderful thing to be doing. :)

Hesperleigh March 26th, 2013 07:43 AM

Re: Incredibly Selfish or Just Pregnancy Hormones?
I think Lost made some great points. I think you should be proud of them. That said, I totally get why you're hurt and it's totally normal to be thinking about you and your family when you're pregnant. Who wouldn't want their parents there to celebrate with them?! You are justified in having those feelings, but if you look at the bigger picture you'll see that they are doing something really good. I'm sure that you could never, ever be replaced.:dothug:

DeletedUser12345 March 26th, 2013 10:29 AM

Re: Incredibly Selfish or Just Pregnancy Hormones?
I think it is just hormones!! I don't think you are being selfish.. In fact, from all the reasons you mentioned, it feels like you might be really concerned for your parents taking on more than they can handle.. which makes me think you are being a good daughter thinking of them. I could also see being a tiny bit jealous that she gets your parents when you are so far away.. I understand that, too! I lived in a different continent from my parents for a year and it felt like they just forgot about me.. but that was irrational- plus Pregnancy hormones- definitely makes situations harder with all those crazy emotions. Who knows, maybe this girl will see you as the sister she might be wanting.. You could be adding to the family again. :)

soccermamatomany March 26th, 2013 12:07 PM

Re: Incredibly Selfish or Just Pregnancy Hormones?
I agree with Lost.

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