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Lintu March 31st, 2013 01:03 PM

Aaron does NOT sleep at night
We are so miserable. As in, both DH and I are becoming depressed and angry people because of this kid's lack of sleep. I think I saw every hour of the night last night. My daughter was never like this and I have no idea where to go from here. A 2 hour stretch is a good one. Sometimes I wish we'd never decided to have another kid.

missadie222 March 31st, 2013 01:19 PM

Re: Aaron does NOT sleep at night
Oh dear goodness. I can relate! Lack of sleep KILLS ME and my normally semi intelligent self and I become a weeping, pitiful, anger-filled WRECK. I just spent 4 nights with my baby hooked to oxygen in ICU at the hospital (strep pneumonia) and by day 3 and 4 (it's impossible to sleep there with nurses and machines beeping and baby waking to nurse) I was LOSING MY MIND. Like... practically suicidal except wanting to stick around to be a mom to my baby.

SO I get it. Do you BF? I supplement and that last bottle of the night (after he gets to nurse) is about 3 ounces and allows for (normally) 3-5 stretch of sleep in the beginning of each night. That stretch is crucial to me. Also, we have started adding 1tbsp of rice cereal per 2 ounces of formula just in that last bottle as per our pediatricians advice because our guy has bad reflux that comes up and causes him to inhale it and choke on it in the night. The cereal keeps his food down before he lays down to sleep in his bassinet. Adding the rice cereal tacks on another hour or so to his sleep in that first chunk making it closer to 5 hours. I know it's a controversial idea, but my take is - IF MOM IS GOING CRAZY there's no point in following the dumb rules!!! What does it matter if a baby is exclusively BF or not on solids at ALL til 6 months if he doesn't have semi-sane mother to take care of him??? YOU NEED your sleep and must do something to get it. Do you get a chunk of sleep in the beginning of the night?

Lintu March 31st, 2013 01:27 PM

Re: Aaron does NOT sleep at night
Yup, I breastfeed. I'm not sure that supplementing with more milk will help because I have too much milk, and if I nurse him too much he starts to spit up because he's overfull. Sometimes I have to soothe him without nursing to prevent that from happening. He doesn't behave as though he's in pain from reflux or anything, though.

I'm so frustrated. I tried putting him down for a nap at 2. He wasn't ready. 30 min later, DH put him down for a nap (without milk, since I'd fed him at 2) and he's been asleep for almost 2 hours, no problem. At night, he almost never goes more than 2 hours -- even for the first stretch of the night.

This is so incredibly miserable.

I fear there's something wrong with him that we just aren't figuring out or that he'll be like this forever.

missadie222 March 31st, 2013 01:58 PM

Re: Aaron does NOT sleep at night
Our boy doesn't nap that long during the day anymore. I DID wake him up, despite all the advice that says "never wake a sleeping baby", during the day to help adjust his naptimes to more like 1-2 hours max. I read- maybe in the Baby Whisperer book?- that you definitely SHOULD wake a sleeping baby during the day if his days and nights are mixed up. Keep him more awake during the day... by playing, talking loud, etc. At night (about an hour before you put him down) turn off or down all the lights, hardly talk to him at all, and do a bedtime routine. We have a bedtime routine that consists of 4-5 steps, starting with a bath. The last one is swaddle then bottle. The swaddle never goes on during daytime naps, only at night. My guy always knocks himself in the face and wakes himself up. The swaddle is crucial to him sleeping 4 hours. But mainly cause he squirms so dang much in his sleep he wakes himself up.

Does your baby seem legitamately hungry when he awakens? Or is he just playing around? Is it a growth spurt? When Utah hits a growth spurt he has 3-4 nights of waking every hour after 3 am (he doesn't go to bed till 11pm or so as we are serious night owls and I sleep in every morning).

Lintu March 31st, 2013 02:12 PM

Re: Aaron does NOT sleep at night
It's been going on longer than a growth spurt -- at least a month. Right now we do everything the same for naps as bedtime (swaddle, noise machine, same nap location), with the only difference being sunlight vs darkness. I'm going to try a more established nighttime routine, but it's been hard because I never know when he's going to be ready for bed. I try him down at 7 and it almost never works even though it seems like he's tired (and the books say it's an appropriate 3 month bedtime). I want to have a normal time he goes to bed so that I can do a bath, story, swaddle, nurse, bed.

Honestly, the nights are a blur, but he does seem legitimately hungry to me a lot of the time.

MammaWannaBe March 31st, 2013 02:21 PM

Re: Aaron does NOT sleep at night
That sounds awful I'm so sorry. Remember this too shall past although it might be hard to believe at the moment. Have you spoken to your dr?

Also, and I'm sure you've tried everything, but we have a cool mist machine that makes white noise that she seems to like. Maybe that could help?

I wish I could do something for you! Praying he gets in a sleeping pattern soon!

Just read your last message. I guess nix the noise machine suggestion I had. When Vivi was a few weeks old we would purposely keep her awake till 10 then put her to bed. It wasn't always fun because shed be agitated but then she would usually go down once we let her

Lintu March 31st, 2013 02:22 PM

Re: Aaron does NOT sleep at night
Doctor has more or less no advice. He has a white noise machine and we're going to get a humidifier to see if it helps. We're desperate!

missadie222 March 31st, 2013 03:04 PM

Re: Aaron does NOT sleep at night
I'd say push his bedtime back to 8 or 9. Try to MAKE him stay awake til then. Add one thing to make the night routine different. Maybe a couple songs you sing as soon as he's swaddled or something. Pick a time that YOU want him to go to bed. And do the routine around that same time every night, whether he seems tired or not. That's what has worked for us.

We do bath to initiate the night routine every night, a little bit of end of the evening sitting with us and playtime after, then I nurse him while I sing 4 songs (the same ones every night in the same order) and then read him Goodnight Moon. As soon as he hears the songs (this has been the routine for like 6-8 weeks now though) his eyes start closing. Then my husband swaddles him and gives him the bottle. He usually is so ready for bedtime by this time that it can take serious effort to have him drink the bottle (sometimes he does and sometimes he doesn't finish it).

Can he sleep during the day withOUT the swaddle? I swear that is the biggest trick in our guy knowing it is night time for us. Daytime naps are just naps-They can last 15 minutes or 2 hours- but his night sleep always starts with a swaddle and i think he knows that it means business?.

marybeth76 March 31st, 2013 03:20 PM

Re: Aaron does NOT sleep at night
I just wanted to tell you that my daughter (who is now 4) never slept a 2 hour stretch at this age. If she slept for an hour and a half, that was a good stretch for her. It was hideous, I remember. I cried a lot and wondered what we had done to our perfect little family. So hopefully I can offer you that light at the end of this dark stretch. She is now a fabulous sleeper and loves to sleep late in the mornings.

Also, we've had some really rough periods with Lincoln due to his tummy issues, where he would literally wake and fuss every hour of the night. I would pump a bottle and have it ready so that I didn't have to do anything more than reach for it on my bedside table and feed him. I didn't even get up, I would just lie there and hold the bottle for him until he went back to sleep. And I think because I wasn't moving him at all, he would go back to sleep a lot easier too.

Where does he sleep? I'm assuming you've tried letting him sleep in a swing or something similar? Also, could you and hubby switch nights so that you get at least one night of sleep every other night?

Lintu March 31st, 2013 03:48 PM

Re: Aaron does NOT sleep at night
He does go to bed at about 9, but seems tired earlier than that, and all the books say he should really be going to sleep at more like 7.

We tried switching off and giving a bottle at night but he wouldn't take it (even though he takes a bottle during the day). He wouldn't calm down til I came in and nursed him.

I'm not sure whether he'll nap without the swaddle or not - I think he might.

I had to wake him up just now because his nap was at 3 hours. ***?? I don't understand this stupid baby.

LadieBug April 1st, 2013 07:34 PM

Re: Aaron does NOT sleep at night
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Sleep for mommy is crucial, I stress about it all the time. Like the others said, try to bear in mind that this is a phase and will someday be a distant memory.
The others have given some good advice- set his bedtime when YOU want him to go down. It may take a week or so but he'll adapt.
When he wakes at night, do you feed him every time? What if you were to attempt to wean him off a feeding? I'm not suggesting letting him starve, but I would think at this age he'd be physically capable of going a little bit longer than 2 hrs, at least at night. What would he do if you didn't feed him when he woke up. For instance, if it had only been 2 hrs and he woke, would he just cry until you fed him? Or could you attempt rocking him back to sleep, or something along those lines.
Where does he sleep? Does he nap in the same place he sleeps at night?

Lintu April 2nd, 2013 05:34 AM

Re: Aaron does NOT sleep at night
Yes, he naps in the same place he sleeps. Everything is identical except for it being light vs dark out.

Last night he woke up after 2.5 hours and so I tried rocking him back to sleep instead of nursing. He started drifting off but wouldn't go back to bed. It took 2.5 hours to get him to go back to sleep, even with nursing him. I was going to let him CIO in my arms because I didn't know what else to do with him, but DH came in and took him. On top of everything, I strained my back picking him up in his carrier (he's 17lb without the carrier), so that's not helping.

I feel so guilty about the way I feel about him right now. I don't think I can take much more of this and I fear it'll never change.

marybeth76 April 2nd, 2013 10:17 AM

Re: Aaron does NOT sleep at night
I think the only thing that really saved me with my daughter was having her sleep right next to me, so when she woke up every hour to nurse, I barely stirred, I just bared my boob and let her nurse while I kept dozing.

It won't last forever, though. It's a really rough patch right now but it will get better soon.

Lintu April 2nd, 2013 10:50 AM

Re: Aaron does NOT sleep at night
I'm letting him do that and it doesn't help :( He just doesn't go back to sleep.

marybeth76 April 2nd, 2013 11:18 AM

Re: Aaron does NOT sleep at night
So sorry mama :( Is it at all possible for you to catch a little sleep during the day when he naps? My daughter's early months are a blur to me, but I feel like she started improving a little bit when she was around 4 months. Not a lot, but enough that I could at least get 2-3 hours of sleep at once most nights. I was definitely a total zombie while she was a small infant, though.

I'm praying that you get a break here soon.

Lintu April 2nd, 2013 03:22 PM

Re: Aaron does NOT sleep at night
Thank you!

Naps are tricky because my daughter (3 on Saturday) recently gave up napping. Great timing, huh?

I worry that there's something medically wrong with him. Not because there are big signs of that, but because I'm a worrier. And I don't want to put him through sleep training if he's actually in pain or something, you know? But if anything he's spitting up less these days, doesn't cry in pain (you know, that high-pitched pain cry...it's not like that), doesn't seem to be gassy, no rashes, no weird poops...but EVERYTHING seems to have "poor sleep" as a symptom.

But if it were medical, I can't imagine he'd be such a good napper.

MammaWannaBe April 3rd, 2013 05:26 PM

Re: Aaron does NOT sleep at night
Sometimes things don't have an explanation, which I'm sure doesn't help. I have nothing to offer except to tell you that you are a strong wonderful mama and this too shall pass.

Is there anyone that could come over for a few hours during the day or in the evening so you can just get out and get a break? Maybe go get your nails done? Or a massage? Or just go upstairs and sleep? Don't be afraid to take a break and it sounds like that could be just the ticket. Do something for you.

Stay strong and just keep letting it out here! We're all pulling for your little one to start sleeping better! Hopefully it is just right around the corner!

Lintu April 3rd, 2013 05:38 PM

Re: Aaron does NOT sleep at night
Not really :( I don't have family around here or anything. I may be able to get a friend from work to watch my daughter at least...

Oh, but at least my parents are flying in tomorrow (because my daughter's birthday is on Saturday) and they have already expressed their willingness to help. They're the best.

PickyNicki April 3rd, 2013 06:25 PM

Re: Aaron does NOT sleep at night
Everything always seems worse when you're not sleeping well. :( We've definitely had our moments here. I can't offer much advice that hasn't already been given, but the exact same bedtime routine has done wonders for us. Hoping you can get a little rest while you're parents are visiting at least. I'm sending baby Aaron sleeping dust! Lol!

Xtapolapocet April 6th, 2013 03:15 AM

Re: Aaron does NOT sleep at night
First, let me express my deepest sympathy to your situation. I cannot imagine how you are able to accomplish anything without an intense level of stress and frustration. The one theme I have picked up and it is concerning to me is your anger at the baby. You referred to him as "this stupid baby". Sweetie, if you're having trouble coping with his care, you need to speak to your physician and see if there is anything s/he can do to help you. Maybe you might want to look into Daycare for a few hours a day just to help you catch up on your sleep? If you have a friend or family member who could watch him so you could rest for a few hours would be HUGE in terms of help.

The doctor should medically evaluate the baby to make sure there isn't a serious problem that is underlying and going by unnoticed. Our son has a bad case of Acid Reflux and has started teething very early (even before he hit 3 mos.). It's caused us an intense degree of frustration because we are getting very little sleep (as is he); but we're doing the best we can. Hubby & I take shifts. When he is not at work, he will watch him so I can rest. Then I get up and take care of him so my hubby can rest, etc. We keep swapping after a few hours until we both feel rested enough to keep going. It's all we can do right now with the situation he is in. If you and your hubby can find out a way to make it work, maybe you'll feel better. I really wish you weren't feeling like you shouldn't have had him, I am sure he will be a great little man as soon as he gets beyond this point. The problem is (obviously) that he is so very young, he can't tell you what's wrong...all he can do is cry. He desperately wants help for what is causing him such discomfort and the only one who can make him feel safe and secure is Mom. It's a heavy load, but that (as I have learned) is one of the 'joys' of motherhood. Please do not lose faith! Just try the best you can and please get assistance to help you with these difficulties. Maybe the doctor can give you something to help you or suggest something to help the little one. :hug:

Please keep us posted and I wish you all of the luck in the world to get sleep!!!!!!!!!! :heart:

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