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-   -   It's been a long time.... (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f2038-2013-playroom/2668408-its-been-long-time.html)

plastikmom July 28th, 2013 06:28 AM

It's been a long time....
Hey everyone! It has been so long since I have checked in! I hope everyone and their sweet babies are doing well. Just wanted to update on me and baby T. All is well but we had a rough few months and I thought it might be best to take a little break from JM. I definitely had some postpartum mood issues, I don't like the term depression because I wasn't sad but I think my hormones went a little haywire. I am always a bit of a worrier, but my anxiety went into overdrive. I worried about EVERYTHING! And I'm talking illogical worry about things like dropping the baby or leaving him in the car. Every bad story I have ever heard about a child getting hurt or killed caused me to obsess about how that could happen to me. On top of this, I stressed about my body, breastfeeding and if baby T was hitting his milestones. So when I would come on JM and hear about everyone losing weight and their babies smiling and cooing when I was as fat as ever and T was still giving me the blank stare, it really added to my worries that something was wrong. I know you should not compare yourself to others, but sometimes its a challenge not to and I just felt like I was failing. Also, DH and I have always has a strong relationship and he is a wonderful dad to our 7 year old. (He came into over lives when he was 2, so he missed the baby stage). I was SO super excited to see DH as a daddy to his own sweet little baby and I knew he was just going to be the perfect dad. Well it turns out that DH isn't much of a fan of the baby stage. He has no patience when T cries and he can't fix it and he feels like baby prefers me bc I am breastfeeding. He loves T but he definitely wasn't sharing my baby bliss and wasn't living up to my expectations. Add in all my anxiety and lack of sleep and that led to arguing. Like never before. I felt like everything was falling apart. And rather than talk to a friend or to you ladies, I felt the need to pretend like everything was as perfect as I thought it should be. I also felt very isolated bc of breastfeeding. I was not comfortable doing it in public and I felt trapped in the house to feed every two hours.
Fast forward 3 months: I still have anxiety but its much better. I went to my OB to discuss my issues with her and she gave me a script for Lexapro. I never filled it, but somehow knowing I could if I needed to made me feel better. She also made me feel very normal and reassured me that eventually I would get back to my normal self (physically and mentally). I have struggled with eating issues and body image issues all my life and have been a size zero and a size 16 depending on if I am starving or binging. (right now I'm somewhere in the middle) I tried to eat much less but it has really effected my milk supply. Without dieting, I am VERY slowing losing weight bc of breastfeeding and I am trying to be patient with that. I am still very jealous of those people who are genetically blessed to drop weight without a struggle! I went to a LLL meeting and met some nice people who have helped me to get more comfortable with NIP so I don't feel so trapped in the house and it helps that T goes longer between feedings now. I have NIP at a baseball game and many restaurants, so I consider that a success! And T is smiling and cooing!! YAY!! Definitely took him longer, but he is making up for lost time and is super happy!! I was so worried that something was wrong with him (due to my crazy anxiety). I feel so much calmer now. Everytime I see his sweet smile it melts my heart and I feel silly that I was so worried about it. DH and I are better. We have talked about our expectations and the struggles of being new parents and have talked with my parents who have been married for 40 years and they are helping us along. We love each other very much and I know we will be fine, but its a work in progress.
Whew. Thanks so reading, it know its a long update. Life is busy but now that I am feeling more like myself I'm sure I will be checking in more often! Can't wait to see how everyone's little ones are doing! :)

utexas10 July 28th, 2013 06:49 AM

Re: It's been a long time....
Good to hear from you. If it makes you feel better, my OB says hating your husband is normal for the first 6 months and that she hated hers. I no longer hate mine, but things were tough for the first 3 months he just wasnt into the baby stage even though he has other kids. The more active she gets the better dh gets. keep your head up.

ThaiSpice July 28th, 2013 07:07 AM

Good to hear from you! I'm sorry things were rough. You're definitely not alone. I am not one whose weight just falls off. After #1, I was still wearing maternity pants a year and a half later. Even though I EBF for six months and then mostly BF until 13 months, and kept BF until 29 months, it did not help me lose weight. It was depressing, and hearing about how other people were at pre preg weight right away only made me want to punch them in the throat lol. But, I've just accepted it and I know that BF is more important to me, so it's worth it. Anyway...I'm glad you're feeling better. Hope things keep improving!

MsRK July 28th, 2013 07:29 AM

Re: It's been a long time....
Hey lady!! It's so great to hear from you! *hugs*

I'm so glad to hear that things are leveling out for you. The first few months with a baby are NO JOKE. So I think that you're completely normal. And it doesn't matter how perfect your relationship is, bringing home a newborn stresses that big time. I believe that Anyone who is saying that their mate has been perfect during that time frame is stretching the truth a bit.

Every single person who we have shown the baby to always asks us: "So how are you two doing with each other?" Or something like that. And they tell us to hang in there because it does get better. If there ARE people with a perfect mate during this time then god bless them because I consider myself to be VERY VERY strong and we have a solid strong relationship but there were a few times where I had to tell DH to leave the house and go for a walk before I locked him in a closet and slid bread slices under the door until I could stand seeing him again. *LOL*

We were both sleep deprived for a good while and that in itself takes a major toll on people.

But people were right.. it does get better when the baby starts to sleep longer stretches at night and the feedings space out. Also when the baby starts to interact and give you positive feedback.

So I hope things just continue to go up for you! I'm so glad that Troy is doing well and don't you LOVE it when they smile at you?? It's such an amazing feeling.

Anyway keep up the good work and know that you are missed around here. Stop by again when you get a little free time.

Sneetch July 30th, 2013 08:51 AM

Re: It's been a long time....
I'm so glad you checked in!

I can relate to the breastfeeding stuff. I hang onto my baby weight while I'm breastfeeding, too. With my first, I actually gained a lot while I was breastfeeding. This time I'm just holding steady. I'd love to be losing, but I don't think that's in the cards while I'm breastfeeding. It can be a little discouraging, but I just try to remind myself how much I love that time and closeness with Samuel, and it's worth it. There's lots of life ahead for losing the weight.

Also, my DH is a really involved dad with our older boy, but I feel like he's just barely getting to know Samuel. He's helpful if I ask for help, but he has mostly left it to me for these first few months. I think, a lot of times, dad's just don't feel like there is much they can do. But I'm glad things are smoothing over for you.

Anyway, it's nice to hear from you again. :)

kimberley July 31st, 2013 09:49 PM

Re: It's been a long time....
Welcome back!

Just wanted to relate with you on the baby weight thing too. EBF is doing nothing for me and I'm still wearing maternity clothes. Very difficult because I've always been itty bitty. I also don't know what to do with these huge floppy boobs that are out of control.

Hang in there!!!

Welcome back!

Just wanted to relate with you on the baby weight thing too. EBF is doing nothing for me and I'm still wearing maternity clothes. Very difficult because I've always been itty bitty. I also don't know what to do with these huge floppy boobs that are out of control.

Hang in there!!!

HalfDozen August 2nd, 2013 02:29 PM

Re: It's been a long time....
Welcome back, DDB!! I took my own break, but not necessarily for the same reasons. ;) I've just been way too busy!! Anyhow, I've found that the weight loss things varies, even with the same person. The last time, I not only lost all my weight in the first 3-4 months, but I was also down another 15-20 pounds from pre-pregnancy weight. Now, with this one, I've been holding steady at my pre-pregnancy weight from #4 for about 2 months. So, I'm thinking I dropped a big chunk at first, but I might not get back to my "ideal" weight that I was at when I got pregnant with him. Hang in there!!!

~AmazedByYou~ August 3rd, 2013 06:42 PM

Re: It's been a long time....
This was EXACTLY how I was with my first baby. lots of hugs for you!! Every news story about a baby/child made me bawl. I packed my car full of snacks and blankets and drinks and stuff because I saw a news story about a family who drove off an embankment and were trapped under snow and they had nothing to keep them alive or warm. It sucks, but it gets better!! Knowing something is off is the first step to improving it all. If you ever need to talk, I'm here!! We need pictures!!!

kary4 August 3rd, 2013 10:25 PM

Re: It's been a long time....
I'm really glad you posted this. I could have written this post word for word the first time around. I too felt isolated and trapped in the house. I was not comfortable nursing in public. I would get anxiety just thinking about it. I got one of those Hooter Hiders and barely used it. I ended up pumping and taking bottles if we went out. This time around, I'm still not that comfortable nursing in public, but I'm doing it more. The biggest difference this time around is that I don't have time to pump, so I have to just breastfeed. If I'm not comfortable, I will go to the car to do it or just go home.

As far as fighting with DH, been there done that. Totally normal. I also worried about my son's milestones. At his two month check up, he was diagnosed with torticollis and I was told he might have cerebral palsy. We were sent to a neurologist and to a physical therapist. I was devastated. It turns out he did not have cerebral palsy, but he did have low tone. I had to take him to physical therapy once a week and work with him at home. Talk about anxiety. I also felt jealous of everyone who had a "normal" baby.

I am now starting to worry about my daughter's milestones, but I'm taking it one day at a time.

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