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-   -   Sharing love with another baby (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f2038-2013-playroom/2676258-sharing-love-another-baby.html)

FairyDustMom September 2nd, 2013 05:17 PM

Sharing love with another baby
I had my DD three years ago and the whole labor experience was very emotional. I cried for months reliving how long delivery, induction and painful my episiotomy was. My only comfort was my gorgeous healthy baby and would cry everytime I looked at her. I love her to death she is our first.

As I am expecting my second daughter in 10 weeks I am worried all that might return.. Plus is the love the same adding another child? Don't get me wrong i have tons of love to give but wondering if the experience will be as emotional and bond as strong.. I also not sure how my daughter who is now three will handle me always holding and feeding the baby.. She is very active, craves attention and loud.. I don't want her waking up the baby yet I also don't want her to feel like I am preferencing one over the other. I am really worried of sibling rivalry and want them to get along.

hotpinkheels September 2nd, 2013 05:20 PM

Re: Sharing love with another baby
I'm a FTM so I really have no words of advice, but I wanted to tell you I think all your thoughts are SO NORMAL!! Hopefully some other moms will have some kind words of wisdom for you :) :hug:

jadeunicorn September 2nd, 2013 06:13 PM

Re: Sharing love with another baby
It's understandable that you fear reliving some strong emotions - it may happen, but you won't know until it does. I wonder if I'll end up reliving my disappointment in having a c-section with my first (especially if I end up with one with the second). Or if I do get my VBAC, if I'll have a stronger bond with her.

But as far as sibling rivalry goes, I am currently trying to slowly prepare my daughter for what it's like to take care of baby. And I also told her she'll have to be a big help (she loves helping, unless of course it means picking up her own toys - lol). I also tell her that she can snuggle up to me when I'm BFing baby and maybe we'll be able to read a book then too.

I feel it's good to start preparing her. She's 5, so she may understand a bit more than a 3-year-old, but I think you can still help your daughter understand what's going to happen and that you will still spend time with her and love her. I also got my daughter the book "What Baby Needs". She loves books, so was happy to get the book and reading it to her she learns all what's going to happen when baby gets here. Win, win. :D

ducksaresnazzy September 2nd, 2013 07:04 PM

Re: Sharing love with another baby
i have no experience with having children, but i was three and a half when my sister was born. i was under the impression i was getting a doll or something from the way my parents described her to me. she'd give me baby-related chores everyday like picking out Katie's pajamas or handing mom the bottles and burp cloths at feedings. by involving me with Katie's care, my mom prevented me from resenting her for spending all her time taking care of Katie, because i was always there too. i was also given "big girl toys" to cement in my head that there was a new baby, and it wasn't me. if i wanted to be the baby i couldn't play with my new toys.

shana1979 September 2nd, 2013 07:29 PM

Re: Sharing love with another baby
Honestly, I never thought about that when my 2nd child was born. I do remember that my 1st was drawn to him and was always trying to hold and hug him. But there were enough people around where the first wasn't lacking attention. and I'd been going to school full-time then working full-time so I think my kid was used to not having my whole attention.

I thought about that now with adding these two to my family. I actually took a really long time to tell my boys about the babies for a number of reasons but one was wondering how they would take it, would my 2nd feel like I'm replacing him, etc. Thankfully, they're excited.

~Kris~ September 2nd, 2013 07:42 PM

Re: Sharing love with another baby

Originally Posted by shana1979 (Post 27627666)
Honestly, I never thought about that when my 2nd child was born.

Ditto! But I started watching 2 kids when my oldest was just 2 months old, so he was used to having other kids around/sharing me.

Prior to #2's arrival, we made sure daddy got more involved with bathtime/bedtime since we knew he'd probably have to handle it sometimes if baby was nursing. We made sure to do things with him so he didn't feel left out and I asked him to be my helper with certain things (get diapers, etc)

My kids have always adjusted well and have never had jealousy of the baby.

As far as noise, I don't make them be overly quiet....I figure baby needs to learn to be able to sleep in a little commotion, otherwise they'd never sleep if we were out and about. They've all done fine.

Honestly, I think in most cases, we worry more than we need to. ;)

Txmom4 September 2nd, 2013 10:12 PM

Re: Sharing love with another baby
When I had my 2nd I felt and questioned the same thing as you. I think it's totally normal, my daughter was also 3 and it was just us most of the time as DH worked all the time and I was a SAHM, or she would come to work with me. Inrember crying
And feeling terrible that I was going to have another child and take away from her or wonder how I would possible love the baby so much. But you do. Your heart grows and you love them both the same. It's truly amazing! Now that I have 4 kids I can say that I do have more attachments with certain ones but not that I love them any less. I think it's really that they are attached to me more than the others so it makes me feel more bonded with them but I love them alllll the same and would do anything for any of them.

Minilegs September 2nd, 2013 11:30 PM

Re: Sharing love with another baby
I didn't worry about loving him the same because I knew I would. I'm the mommy that takes a little bit to know everything about my baby and bond with them through touch, snuggling, and nursing. Of course I loved my children from when they were born but, the bonding just added to all that, kwim?

Anyways, my daughter was 4 when my son was born and she was already really self sufficient. He was so demanding and fussy that it took a lot of time away from her. She has been jealous of him since he was probably a month old. She still shows jealousy streaks.

It all depends on the child and how you include them, the sibling is, etc. You will get a natural rhythm after the baby is here awhile and you'll be able to balance the kids better once that's down.

LABs September 2nd, 2013 11:33 PM

Re: Sharing love with another baby
Love isn't shared, but time will be. Include the older one as much as possible. I'm worried about how my youngest will adapt. He seems to finally get it that he's getting baby sisters. He's trying to decide if he's big or little. He finally told me that he was a small boy. He is extremely attached to me! I know that I'll love him just as much, but its the time juggling between me and twin newborns that will be hard. Normally I can pass off the baby to my DH and spend time with the toddler, but what do I do with two infants? We'll figure it out!

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