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-   -   Hurt, Broken, Doubtful (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f2038-2013-playroom/2702805-hurt-broken-doubtful.html)

TeresaMomTo2Boys January 11th, 2014 09:25 AM

Hurt, Broken, Doubtful
It is a new year. I am trying to make it a new me. I have always had a "can do" attitude and I try to put that to work instead of being so negative.
I posted something recently on the Facebook group saying I have possibly lost my job BUT I interviewed for a fast food cook...not the job of my dreams but it is better than nothing. Also, I am in talks with a lady opening a hospital in March as she is a financial director of patient care but also a hiring manager for certain departments. I was trying to be positive. In the mean time, I had several ask about my current job and why I may no longer be working there. That is when a few people kept focusing on the negative and saying I was making excuses.

I put it here for those that aren't on the Facebook group and missed it. I stated how when I got hired at this job, I was given the option to get a flu shot or wear a mask on the floor (work in hospital). I opted to wear mask until I could get a scheduled appointment for flu shot. I eventually got something scheduled. Then we had an ice storm hit which closed everything down for almost a week. Then the holidays. Now one of the ladies is out with the flu and the other I am having an issue getting in contact with. Even HR has tried contacting them. I had an appointment last Monday with them for flu shot but cancelled over the weekend because Aidan was pulling on his ear, saying it hurt and then was telling me he couldn't hear out of it. I cancelled in case Monday I had to take him to the dr. I was also notified by HR just last week on Thursday (the day I was supposed to go in to cover for coworker) that I need to get blood work to test my immunity to TB and Chicken Pox as well as get dr clearance to work since I have back issues and this job requires a lot of sitting, standing, bending and lifting heavy stuff and I was not allowed to return to work until all this got done. I then got notice in the mail THIS WEEK on Wednesday that if I didn't get it done by Tuesday the 14th, they would take that as my voluntary resignation. I have been in talks with HR about the dr clearance as I don't have insurance and cannot go to dr for clearance exam without insurance. Therefore, they have been trying to contact this department as well as myself and they have called me back saying they too are having an issue contacting them. Therefore, I feel this is all on the department because they aren't calling back or emailing back to get me an appointment.
The ladies in this group then focused on JUST the flu shot. Informing me to go somewhere and PAY for the shot when I can get it for free at the health department in the hospital. Plus I still have to schedule to get blood work done as well as dr clearance but the ladies didn't focus on any of that. Therefore, after all the negativity, it ruined my positive attitude and my can do attitude. It really hurt me and put me in tears.
After also informing that I am having a hard time paying for diapers or bills and such and that's why I can't pay for flu shot (I barely make $90/week plus having to pay $98/mth storage .....wish DH would get a job and pay that, and $100/mth child support...I don't make anything really), they came at me about how I should not have spent or been looking at $150 car seats for Trey when he doesn't need it. Our car seat goes up to 30 lbs but he is already outgrown it in length. The shoulder belts don't move anymore and they are digging into his shoulders leaving marks and he is in pain screaming in the car seat. Therefore, we HAD to get another car seat. I spent MY christmas money given to me by my grandparents and in laws. Money that I was supposed to spend on myself but I spent it on my own child. I was given crap about all that. That hurts. It makes me doubt my role as a parent. It makes me feel like a bad parent.
These ladies kept drawing on the negative. They were the ones causing the drama.
I was told that if I want to go back to the Facebook group, one of the admins can add me back. After informing to add me back so I can my peace and then stay back a bit until things cooled off, I was then told that the ladies there wanted to VOTE me back in as I was always causing drama. Excuse me....I was not VOTED OUT of the group...I left because of the drama THEY were causing. I thought we were all adults but I guess some people thrive on high school drama. Some of you thrive on the negative and have to find the bad in people.
I am hurt and very disappointed. I thought this was a group of women who were there to support our roles as moms and help us through daily life. If we had a question we could ask and get answers. If we had issues in our life, we could openly talk about it without discrimination but support. I guess I was wrong.
I left JM a long time ago because of women like you after I had Aidan and all the drama. I was wrong to come back.
Again, I am very hurt, upset, broken, doubtful, and pissed.

Kim3 January 11th, 2014 10:40 AM

Re: Hurt, Broken, Doubtful
Teresa - here is just my 2 cents.

You are a mother with two beautiful children. I want all children to have the best possible childhood in life - and for that reason, I will always lend my support to any Mom. Therefore, I want you to succeed in life. I want for you a happy marriage, a good job, and the skills to be able to provide for your children.

There are many wonderful women on this board. The fact that everyone comes from different backgrounds with different points of view helps many of us to grow. For instance, Rebecca recently posted an article on her FB page about things people say and how those things may be perceived by children and parents of children with disabilities. Because of this post and the perspective from which it was written, I know it made me think of things that I say and how they can be perceived. Because of her, I have grown in some small way and hopefully won't say something in the future that may hurt someone unintentionally. In another way, when I went dairy free, I learned so any things from ladies here (such as hidden dairy in foods). Because of that, my daughter benefited. My point is that the ladies on this board really can enhance child rearing for others.

As for your situation, because we are a diverse group, you will get diverse comments. Some ladies may want to empathize while others may feel it is enabling. I understand that you have monetary issues. I believe there are many people on this board who may also be struggling with money issues. Please try to remember that there are many ladies who are working 40+ hours per week and breastfeeding, and making just enough money to pay daycare and necessities. They may be working jobs that they hate, but do it just in order to make ends meat. They may see your posts in one way. When they write out their tax bills, they may simply have no use for (and not like) your DH who could be perceived as not meeting his obligations.

Without reference to any particular post, if you request advice, you will receive diverse views. Some ladies will empathize and some will say pull yourself up by your bootstraps and do what needs to be done.

We obviously do not know you outside of JM or FB, so I do not know if you really do have a can do attitude or not. I do know personally that when my son was diagnosed with Asperger's I had the choice to sit back and wait for others to help us or to be extremely proactive. For my son, it was not even a choice. When I was told he needed a specialist, I filled out packets for 7 different hospitals (you actually had to fill out a 10-20 page application to even get an appointment). After I sent in the applications, I called to confirm receipt. Places had an 18 month waiting list, so I called and asked to be placed on the list that if anyone cancelled I would get there the same day. When the ped told me my son would end up in a group home, I investigated every therapy available and arranged for 30 hours per week. I then asked the therapists for additional therapy programs I could do with him at home. End result is that he is 11 and doing phenomenally. I don't write this for a pat on the back - just to show that where there is a will there is a way.

If you want to get ahead, you can! You have skills. I saw your photography. You have computer skills. You can place applications everywhere to get a job working 40 hours a week and still do photography on the side to grow your own business. You have the skills to be successful. You may sacrifice sleep - but you can do it if you want.

I really don't think any of the ladies on this board want to see you fail. You failing is not good for Trey or Aidan, and I am fairly certain all the ladies here want to see all children have a good life. They may express it in different ways. I hope you can see different perspectives and whether you stay or go, I wish you well so that you can do the best for your sons.

SassySami January 11th, 2014 11:05 AM

Re: Hurt, Broken, Doubtful
Amen Kim!

hilachu January 11th, 2014 11:30 AM

Re: Hurt, Broken, Doubtful
bringing the drama to JM isn't solving anything either

let it go and move on

MrsLat January 11th, 2014 11:29 PM

Re: Hurt, Broken, Doubtful
*sigh* wrote a novel. Figured out no amount of words were going to do any good. So I deleted it.

But I think at this point there isn't anything further I can say.

Wishing you well.

alittlelost January 12th, 2014 07:05 AM

I hope everything works out for you :( sounds like a very stressful situation with work and everything else. I hope you can find a good solution. Do whatever you can for you and your family. Life throws us curveballs sometimes. There was a time before we has kids that my husband and I were homeless. We lived in my car. In the middle of winter. But we got jobs, saved money, and changed out situation. We have a comfortable life now. It's not fancy or anything. We don't own a house (which honestly is our own fault for always helping everyone else financially. We have spent probably 30k helping his dad and brother who aren't even grateful and finally my husband has agrees to stop doing that) but anyway my point is that sometimes we could have done things better, sometimes not. Sometimes things are in our control. Sometimes not. But in the end all we can do is what we think is best at the time, based on our knowledge at the time. Just keep focusing on doing that and dont worry about anyone else. If you have to, cancel Internet and cable and get a cheaper phone for a while etc just until you get through these hard times. Things will get better.

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