What are your deepest emotional feelings on TTCAL?
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May 16th, 2010, 08:55 PM
Join Date: Aug 2009
My fear just like all of you ladies is it going to happen again.. will i ever be able to enjoy being pregnant.. will there ever be a safe month or week where i can relax and just enjoy? I've had 4 pregnancies in the last 4 years one resulted in a beautiful lil girl in 2007 and the last 3 have all been m/c. most recent one as of 6/10/2010 @ 8 wks. That had to be the hardest for me and my DF. because he was so afraid of another loss and i just knew this one was going to be different. it wasnt like the other 2 before. The test were very positive kept getting darker I even felt comfortable enough to tell people and 2 weeks later the bleeding started and my heart dropped down to my ankles. I felt like a failure, I felt like i failed my DF and my child because i was unable to keep him/her safe. I never want that feeling again and everytime i even think about getting pregnant thats the 2nd thing that enters my mind right behind it. To know that there is nothing you can do to stop it, is what makes it so hard for me. theres no medicine, theres no answers.. "it just happens". I want another baby so bad, its all i think about and it seems like im surrounded by pregnant women. And I guess its mostly just not wanting to go threw that a 4th time or to put my DF through it either. He wont say much but i seen it in his face everytime we've lost one, as soon as i say im pregnant a happy face and then the serious face.. will it end like that last one. You just never know.
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