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May 25th, 2010, 09:07 AM
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Voodoo_Lady Voodoo_Lady is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
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hi, I'm Micaela. I'm 28 and pregnant for the 2nd time. I was severely anorexic as a teen and then bulimic later on. When I got pregnant for the first time I was newly married and depressed (perhaps hormonal and pregnancy related). I was falling back into old restrictive patterns and abusing laxatives (the things I've had the hardest time giving up). I was borderline underweight when I found out I was over a month along.

One of the first thoughts and fears I had was that I was going to gain weight. Eating disorders are all about control and being pregnant meant I was going to gain weight no matter what; it meant I would have no control over something I had been able to control so well in the past. I was terrified.

For the first trimester I continued to restrict, abuse laxatives, and even vomited a few times. I gain only a couple of pounds and was proud of myself. Then I developed an appetite and for the first time in YEARS I allowed myself to eat things I had denied myself for so long (such as cheese, pasta, bread, meat).

I was depressed, miserable and scared my entire pregnancy. I checked my weight several times a week, and even though I was eating more and new foods I was still watching what I ate. I gained the minimum 25 lbs and my baby was born healthy. That being said, I was lucky.

Pregnancy was a huge help in my recovery. It's what pushed me to eat at least semi-normally, enjoy food again and accept myself (even if I don't like it) at a non-emaciated weight.

How did you all deal with the weight gain without going crazy?
I did go crazy. I used laxatives my entire pregnancy and didn't gain as much weight as I should have for a woman of my size. But I allowed myself to eat knowing I had a human life inside of me.

Did you return to full-fledged eating disordered behaviors after giving birth?
nope. I continued to eat all the foods I had allowed myself while pregnant, after my son was born. Breastfeeding was the best diet ever, and even though I eating normal food in normal portions I was dropping weight. I still watch my weight, but I'm healthy and I eat and I don't obsess.

Do any of you have daughters? Do you worry about passing on the same behaviors?
I have a son; no daughters so far. Although I do worry that he'll pick up on my eating behaviours (we don't have normal sit down meals). I'm terrified of having a daughter with all the pressures put on women. But I'm hoping that since I've been through it myself I'll recognize symptoms sooner and tackle the problem before it gets out of hand.
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