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July 24th, 2010, 10:23 PM
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Saskatoon, SK
I was just 6 weeks and I am now miscarrying.
The reality is: i have debt, I live in a house that fosters youth and I'm the house mom (ideally not the best way to bring a child into the world) and my boyfriend didn't want to have this baby at the time.
We were only aware for one week before the baby was gone.
... and it changed my life.
I was so excited. So ready to grow up. ready to start a family. even ready to do it solo...
I'm petrified now of miscarrying again. I despise the thought of being pregnant.
I hate the first three months.. its so brutal.. you are just part of an army of pregnant women seeing who will be standing still at the end of the 12 weeks.
This miscarriage ruined pregnancy for me.
and for that? I am so **** angry. I want to scream. I want someone to understand.
I won't ever be thinking, "Aw.. this is a nice cramp thats shows my body is making a baby hotel.."
or, "brown blood is fine, its just a baby implanting into the placenta. awesome..."
its, "#$%^ BLOOD!" and, "UGH, 3 MORE WEEKS OF THIS." and "OMG. MY BACK ACHES. WHAT IF A CRAMP IS NEXT? OMG OMG OMG"
I'm furious. i'm scared. and i hate pregnancy.
I have this sick feeling that i'm 23 and I need to hurry to start trying incase i'm a recurrent miscarriage girl and then i can do infertility treatments, etc. etc. it is making me paranoid and ... really.. just.. ugh, angry.
miscarried @ 6w1d, July 2010.
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