Pregnant, and unsure about... everything... I need some advice!!!!!!!!
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August 21st, 2010, 08:36 PM
Ryder's BIGGEST Fan!!
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Fort Wayne, IN
Hi there I'm Katie, 23, and expecting my first- a son that I plan on naming Ryder- on October 8th.
I too could've written this post at 8 weeks.
I was scared to DEATH of telling the baby's dad. I put off a test because I was scared to find out the truth. I was 3 weeks late when I finally went ahead and took the test. It took me nearly 2 weeks to tell him! He was at work and I told him when he got home we needed to go to the store. He told me in a not so nice way that he WASN'T going to the store and at the time I had no car so I said fine, I'll walk, I need a pregnancy test, I'm late... and he demanded I go get one and tell him as soon as I found out through texting. I didn't actually waste the money on another test, just told him "it went to positive right away"... and he immediately started in with the "you know we can't have a kid right now. I don't want a kid..." I told him I WAS NOT getting an abortion (I don't judge women that do, it just isn't something that's right for me) and that I was going to tell my parents. With that, he kicked me out of the house and said I better not be there when he got home.
We went a few days without talking, and I wasn't going to push or nag him, I figured I had 2 weeks to let it sink in and he needed time to let it sink in as well. He finally texted me, asked how I was doing, I asked how he was doing, he said he was surviving on cigarettes and beer with little to no sleep. He didn't want to discuss the baby but said he missed me and wanted me home. I said I wasn't coming home until we discussed it and discussed our other problems as well. So we made plans to go out to dinner that weekend and talk. We talked, he said he was getting used to the idea, hoped it was a boy, and we ate dinner and looked at baby clothes...
It didn't last.
I too have the support of my family. My mom bought his crib and it's currently on layaway but after she makes the next 2 payments it's mine. My sister got on ebay and bid on lots of baby outfits and got him over 80 nb-6month outfits for like $30 total. If that. Mom and sis both keep their eye out for coupons for diapers and buy those for me too. They're busy now planning my baby shower for me and took me to Target and Babies R Us to get registered. I have a 1 bedroom apt, at least til my lease is up next April, so Ryder will share a room with me at first. But I am doing a Dr. Seuss theme for him, and that is also the theme for my shower as well. My dad has bought him at least 2 little Chicago Bears outfits, even though I'm a huge Colt's fan lol. My brother joined the Army and gave Mom access to his bank account so as he puts money in if we need anything for the baby we have it. My other brother and sister in law have volunteered to watch him while I work part time from 2-6 so I can keep my job and my income and stay in school and not have to put him in daycare.
I have about a hundred cousins and aunts and uncles that are all supporting me as well. So even though I'm technically doing this "alone", I know I'm not really alone and I couldn't do this without them. You said you have the support of your family so that is definitely something to cling to right now to get you through the tough times. Just think of all the beautiful things you have to look forward to if you keep this baby. The first time you feel it move... the first kick... the ultrasound that will tell you if it's a boy or girl. Choosing a name... all these things are so special and wonderful and they helped to get me through the tough times. I will never forget his first kick. It was Mother's Day and the dad and I were still together and he told me I wasn't getting anything from him cause I was not a mother yet... and of course he referred to him as a tumor. Mom got me a pretty pink flower, and a Dr. Seuss book for him, and a card for the new mommy to be... but I was still so bummed that I didn't have anything special with him. That night I was mopey and crying around, and I was just holding my belly a little and felt one kick. I was wondering "was that a kick?" so he gave me another great big powerful kick. That was by far the BEST Mother's Day present I could've asked for.
If you choose to keep the baby you will find support and you will make it through. There are a lot of amazing assistance programs out there to help you meet your needs and keep food in both your stomachs and a roof over your head. I am already on some of them and Ryder has yet to even arrive yet! On Monday I start school part time, 2 online classes... so I will be in school, working, and a mom come October. All because I have the never ending support of my family. Trust me it's a POWERFUL thing. Don't underestimate it!!! The dad is around when he wants to be, but my family is around through the good and bad 24/7. The moping and tears are perfectly normal and acceptable. I still have those days and I'm quite a bit farther along than you are! Just take it one day at a time. There's also a great amount of support here on these message boards and you will find some amazing people with very similar stories to your's. Just keep your head up and know if you choose to keep the baby you will get through this, come out on top, and be stronger and better than ever, and you will have an amazing precious gift that your FOB may choose to be apart of or may not... either he'll grow up or he won't... if he chooses not to it's his loss but you don't need him!! You can do it without him! Trust me, you don't want to have to take care of a real infant and an infant disguised as a grown man. I found that out the hard way and wish I had left much sooner!!!
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