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August 23rd, 2010, 07:53 AM
Join Date: Sep 2008
When I got pregnant with Matthew I remember telling Clayton that this baby has to be a girl, I need my baby girl, I didn't give up my only shot at being Momma to a girl. When we found out our little bean was a boy I remember crying, I was so upset. That quickly wore off and I became excited, and now I (obviously) love having a little boy. But I still want that girl. People ask me how many kids we want and my response is always, "as many as it takes until I get a girl".
A few weeks ago I was teaching a Birth Mothers class as my adoption agency and one of the prospective adoptive Moms asked me if I thought God had given me a boy for a reason, maybe to help me move on with my life without trying to replace Rebecca with another child.
I had never thought about this before, but I have been thinking about it a lot lately. Now that I look back, I do think I had a boy for a reason beyond genetics. I think if this first post adoption baby was a girl there is a big chance I would be trying to replace Rebecca's memory with the new baby, by having a boy that was harder to do. I still want my girl because I like pink, and sparkles and little dresses way too much
, but I don't think I want a girl for the same reason as I used to now.
Does any of this make sense to anyone else lol?
Momma to Matthew 4-15-09
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