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August 29th, 2010, 09:37 PM
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Just_Marie Just_Marie is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 28,159
This issue came up this summer, we had friends and family introducing us as the family with the adopted kids-which was a lie, not all of our kids are adopted, and people who don't know us do not need to know intimate details about us. There are family members out there who will not accept your adopted child as a true family member, sad but true. My three children do not need to be singled out as the ones whose birth parents didn't want them. They are told now they are adopted, DS1 knows the three are adopted, but it does not matter in day to day conversation with strangers or family.
I was asked which of the four are ours. I replied, they are all ours, they have our last name, they live in our home. Silly questions deserve silly answers.
Open adoptions are a fabulous idea, but there is a reason why my provincial government seals all adoption files-for the protection of all involved. Open adoptions are also a grandiose idea, but not in all cases. I have a friend who has two adopted kids from two diff families; the first ds has contact with his bio sib and mom; her second is a little girl who was dropped of at the hospital by mom at birth-wants nothing ever to do with that baby girl ever again. How will that little girl feel when her older brother is visiting "his" family each Easter?
Our adoption is open in that the bio grandparents receive emails and pics from me, when I decide they should. Bio mom came to visit with grandma in April, and she will never be in contact with any of my four children again. They are my children and I need to protect all of them, if I ever see her again-I will walk the other way. Sometimes there are very good reasons why you don't want open adoptions.
We don't hide from our children that they are adopted, but strangers don't need to know, b/c the negative circumstances always come up, and my children do not need their private information disclosed to strangers and family.
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