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June 27th, 2006, 04:48 PM
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beck12 beck12 is offline
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
First - I am so sorry for your losses. I can't speak from being as far down the road as you are, as it has been just over a year since my first loss. But I can tell you what has helped me in moving toward healing in hopes something in there might help you.

I don't know what your life was like at the times that you mc'd. Often times it seems that what happens "around" a loss is just as important in the healing process as anything else. For instance it is easy to see that healing probably would be easier with a loving supportive partner than if the father didn't want the baby to begin with & didn't think the mc was a big deal. So depending on what other things might have been hurtful to you at the same time as you were experiencing your losses, that can also work against allowing you to move on. Then, sometimes we bury things. We don't acknowledge them because we don't have a safe place where we feel respected & understood, so we hide them away - and they stay there, stuck inside of us...until something happens to wakes them up in a wy we can no longer ignore them (like being pg again).

It's difficult to say hun with only really having the one post to be able to give good advice that might work for you. For me, healing came from many things & has taken time - and I am still working on it. I just recently had a very tough few days - but am now working toward feeling better again. For me the healing came mostly through 2 things....doing something to recognize the losses (in my case a memorial garden) & in meditation. I think healing is an active process & that it doesn't "happen" in time, but it takes time to take enough steps to bring healing about..if that makes sense.

I wish I could tell you something more specific - and given more time, more posts, I amy be able to be more helpful. I wish you all hte best in your healing & in htis pg. Please do not think you don't deserve this. Of course you deerve to be happy & you have nothing to feel guilty about. Loss happens most often with no explanation & no clear cut cause. You do not need to blame yourself or think you somehow deserved it. It is normal to have soem guilt I suppose, but you need to work through it & remind yourself that it is NOT your fault. As far as anger - I am pretty sure everyone experiences that for varying amounts of time & severity. I have been very angry at times. Right now I don't feel that particularly so deeply anymore - but I cannot promise it won't come back. I think I have resolved it - but I have thought that before & one thing my losses have taught me is that I cannot know for certain anything about what I will think or feel - so I am flexible & forgiving to myself & try to do hte best I can.

I am glad you have decided to join us & I hope you find it to be healing. Best wishes.
__________________
B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




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