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June 27th, 2006, 09:38 PM
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beck12 beck12 is offline
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
I think what you now have shared offers a lot of info as to why you would be so heavily grieving now. You were never really allowed to grieve at the time...and now you have a new issue that brings up a lot of old feelings. As much as it may feel that counselling is upsetting, it is only addressing issues that exist already & they all catch up to us eventually...so it is best to face them on our own terms rather than have them catch us when we may be less prepared... It would be nice if we could just move on. It just doesn't work that way.

I am very sorry you came into womanhood with all that turmoil in your life. I can't even imagine how anyone at that age should be expected to deal with such things. It is difficult at best under the best of circumstances. I am also so terribly sorry you didn't have more love & support from your parents. I think it explains A LOT about why you might be feeling guilt - as it sounds as you were made to feel bad & carry the burden of the entire situation alone.

I know you are feeling a lot of things right now. Try to patient with the process. Now that you have opened yourself to being willing to look at those wounds, it will take time to heal & it is okay to rehash all of it. You can't even call it rehashing anyway - because for much of it - it may be your first time being in a good enough place to be strong enough to deal with it perhaps for the first time. Be proud of your strength & that you have made it through this far. I kow you don't feel strong when your insides seem to be coming apart - but it's far from true. Getting counselling - coming here - this all shows your strength in reaching out & getting your heart healed. Also - it shows how much you do deserve to be happy - it shows you are trying to heal yourself so that you can be ready to be a mom.

I wish I could offer you more - if you need anything - please pm me anytime - I'll help in any way I can.

Sending you much love-
__________________
B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




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