Don't know how to deal with this, i need advice badly... *warning will be long*
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September 23rd, 2010, 11:50 AM
Join Date: Feb 2010
OK where to start... well my husband has his two sons,n 6 and 8, from a previous relationship(never married) and i have my daughter, 4, from a previous marriage, and we have a new baby boy together, 5 months old. we have been married for just about 1.5 years and earlier this year everything was going OK everything was going fine the husbands ex dropped a serious drama bomb on us that has completely turned everything upside down, and now I'm at the end of my rope and don't know how to deal with any of this.
a little background on my husbands ex:
She has been in and out of the 8 year old's life for about 6-7 years now and never been a constant in the 6 year old's life. she has never supported the two boys in anyway whatsoever. and basically only does the bare minimum with them. never paid child support either. my husband has the boys 5 days out of the week every week. she does have a husband now and a new baby son as well, about 1.5years old now
background on my ex:
i was awarded sole custody of my daughter both legal and physical. he is ordered to pay support of 50 a month but i wont hold my breath as hes in jail for at least the next 30 years with no chance of parole for something id personally not like to go into ATM.
The boys history:
both boys and severely delayed in speech the younger has several other delays as well. the 8 year old acts like he is no older that 3 or 4 most the time.
now into the drama that started with hubby's ex last may:
she had lived right near us at the time and both boys and the girl were out playing and ended up going over to her house which had been fine at the time. i had called to make sure that was where they were and they had confirmed around lunch i had called for them to come back home for lunch and they told us that the boys already ate lunch there and that they didn't know where my daughter was and said maybe at the park which i can see out of my back window and said she wasn't there. they proceeded to say it wasn't there problem which was upsetting to say the least i hung up and went knocking on neighbors doors to find her. found her at the fifth door i knocked on. she was missing for about an hour before i even knew she was gone. not once have they ever admitted that not letting me know she left there house was wrong of apologized its not come to them even denying it ever happened. needless to say she's not allowed near them alone anymore. but back to the story... later that night i called to have the boys sent back for dinner and her husband asked me if the boys could spend the night as his mom was there visiting i told him he would have to ask my husband the boys father so when i gave the phone to my husband he was told a different story that people in uniform told them to keep the boys over night claiming we had been fighting to much. money had been tight and we were a bit stressed. my husband was not happy about that but let it go. the next day they told my husband that they were keeping the boys til an RCMP and CPS investigation was done because they were claiming the oldest DSS was telling them that his dad had been tickling his pee and bum in the bath which was 100% not true. now given that he has severe speech delay he is hard enough to understand without prompting his words or interpreting them. until recently wasn't even able to take a bath by himself and i mean not just sit in the tub but actually put shampoo in, condition, body wash, etc. he has to be prompted. in either case my husband was found 100% not guilty in all of it and had to spend about 6000 so far clearing his name and getting the kids back. she hijacked them from everyone that had been around all their lives. and then also moved an hour away from us and had originally tried to take the boys with her with only 2 days notice to us. also to later find out DSS never said anything of the sort to any cops or the child services worker who saw him. so now we got the kids back but she is being a complete nightmare on pick up and drop off of the kids. the wont come to the door to get her kids calls and demands i send HER kids down. i don't like the attitude she gives i know they are her kids not mine she thinks she has to remind me. then late Friday even she was 1 hour and 20 minutes late and did not call or let anyone know not me (who has the kids when she picks them up) or my husband (at work). when finally arriving she calls up and says in an angry voice " send my kids down" i sent them down and said good bye to both DSS's. when husband had gotten home 10 mins later i told him about her mood and he already knew she was late and had rushed home because of it. he called her up to confront her about it and her response was "i don't have to let your wife know anything, I'm the mom and your the dad it should be between us only." then he questioned why she did not tell him about her being late her response: "sometimes i just don't feel like talking to you!" i feel bad for the boys yes its between her and him on most things but i have these kids til you pick them up if you don't tell me your going to be late then your not letting the kids know either. plus i don't like the attitude that i can just be late if i want and you have to wait for me. i told my husband if she pulls this stunt again i'm not sitting around waiting for longer than 1 hour after that ill leave a msg and go do what i need to do and she can wait or meet me. on top of that we are now going after child support finally on her and her response to the possibility of back pay is ill just bankrupt out of it. i do not think you can bankrupt out of child support. on Sunday's she is supposed to bring them back by 10am. most times she doesn't feed them breakfast, and its been getting progressively worse on drop off as she waits til we open the door and she speeds off, to dropping them off and leaving before we even know the boys are even there.
there also some very concerning behavior issues lately with the oldest DSS. i need advice i don't know how to deal with this. he consistent is touching his younger brothers pee. has started peeing on him and laughing, peeing on his little brothers bed, has tried to touch DD's privates, and has been humping his little brother on occasion. last night was one such instance his pants were down but the younger DSS still had his pants on. he tells stories that he had the younger one put his mouth on his pee at mommy's house. i know there is exploring but to me this is too much way way way too much. i don't know what goes on at their moms house but this is unacceptable behavior that has just gotten so horribly bad after she had them for 6 full weeks.... he gets upset and has come after his brother with his shoe in one hand threatening to hit him and almost did once til i stepped in. was upset that i wouldn't let him walk the dog and smacked me on my butt this kids is getting out of control. time outs don't work, going to his room doesn't work, talking doesn't work taking stuff away doesn't work. he tortures both dogs. absolutely wont behave unless getting his way and even then sometimes wont. he even goes out of his way to try and tell my daughter that she cant call me mom. when asked about what happens at mommy's house he just completely shuts down and won't say anything.
please i just need advice on what to do i love him like he was my own and i know hes not really a bad kid hes very good when he wants to be.
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