Do I say something?
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September 24th, 2010, 09:00 AM
Platinum Super Mega Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In the enchanted forest
Originally Posted by
Chantelle, I think it's a good thing that he's starting to open up to you. He obviously is uncomfortable with the things his mom is saying and he probably doesn't want to tell his dad because he knows that will make him upset. That's a lot to carry for a kid.
I had a thought.... Perhaps he's telling you because he WANTS you to tell his dad. It's safer to him to use you as the buffer. I don't know if that's the case but that's the thought I had.
I think your right on Kris! He's being told all this NEGATIVE, HORRIBLE stuff about his father, the MAN that he is to look up too, and here his mother is painting a disgusting portrait of him. She is telling him about how he did stuff when he was a kid, literally (they were middle-school/high school sweethearts, married right out of high school, DH went into the Marine Corps immediately & the rest is history). She...bio-mom, has a BAD past too, but DH doesn't go there w/ his DS, which is the RIGHT way to handle things. I am guessing that he does want me to tell DH, why else? Or...perhaps she (bio-mom) wants DH to know what she is saying, why else would she be so stupid? Kids don't make this stuff up.
I'm thankful that he finally started to open up to me. And the other day, he hugged me good-bye, kissed me on the cheek, for the 1st time & it wasn't forced or scripted. He did it and it was real. It felt really nice. For the first time in years, I felt like he was my family. I know that sounds bad on some levels, but please keep in mind that this has never been my choice. Bio-mom has kept her son (my DSS) away from me, and the kids & her ex (DH) for many years. And even though the legal paperwork, court documents says that DH is to have his son every other weekend, overnight, he (DH) never went to court to fight her. He is afraid of her. Long story. Any ways, up until recently (going on month 3 now), I never saw my DSS, unless it was a really special occasion & only for an hour or so at a time. I had no way of getting to know my DSS. We had no foundation for a relationship, and it was horrible. My kids were sad too, they always loved my DSS, even though they didn't know him. Now, even today, DSS is coming over tonight & spending the entire weekend w/ us. On some levels I feel a bit weird, cause we're still in the faze of trying to make him aware of our rules & what not, but he is turning 13 so he's not a little kid & he understands what is right & wrong. The good news is that he's really opening up to me. He comes into my room, sits on my bed & just starts to talk to me. I don't ask him too, he just does. So it's nice. I've allowed the relationship to unfold naturally, and that's how I wanted it too. Which is another reason I fear to tell DH what he's telling me. I hate to ruin what DSS & I have.
Rachel...you can kick some booty, right? LOL. Freedom, shmeedom... (j/k), I feel the same way. I'd like to go to her & say "why? why are you doing this? what are you trying to prove? do you think you are making things easier or doing a good job parenting? and do you think this wont come back to hurt you one day when your son grows up & sees how manipulative you have been all these years? this will just backfire & you will be sorry". But...again, I will not say anything to her b/c she's a nut case. I refuse to give her amo for her crazy behavior. She is unbalanced on so many levels. I would just rather not talk to her all together. My concerns are w/ my DSS & how he must feel horrible on the inside about what his mother is telling him about his dad. I want him to have a place to talk (me) and then I want him to be able to know that we can work it out. Hence talk to my DH & let her (bio-mom) know that this isn't okay, to stop. But I have a strong feeling that "if" DH brings this up & confronts her (bio-mom) about what she's said, she will take my DSS away again. I really do. I think she'll try to blow up & make it as if we're unstable & that things are a mess b/c of ME b/c he came to ME & if it wasn't for ME everything would be fine, etc. I just know her too well. I can see this being totally turned around to look like an issue that would be blamed on ME & then used against us to take him away again. My DH has zero backbone & wont take her to court about the way she takes his own son away from him. Which is HIS problem, but I don't want to be the reason that starts to happen too.
I don't know what to do. I just want DSS to feel safe to talk to me, trust to talk to me, but also for this madness to stop at the same time. How do I do this w/ out it all blowing up in my face? Remember people, she's crazy.
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