Don't know how to deal with this, i need advice badly... *warning will be long*
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September 30th, 2010, 10:31 AM
Join Date: Feb 2010
sorry its taken so long to reply back, its been pretty busy here, but i agree the oldest definitely needs some kind of help with therapy of some sort im always paranoid about him being anywhere alone with my dd. its just not normal. DH is soo paranoid now and wont let me even try to find someone to help hes afraid that if we come out and say he does these things and its out of control that the kids will get taken away. then on top of it the fights between DH and i are just getting worse. ive tried my hardest to get a routine going for school. DD and the younger DSS are 4 and 6 and can grasp the routine fairly well its not perfect but its a start. the older one makes mornings and after school absolutely terrible for me. i correct him and he screams back at me, or ignores. last night we made all of the practice the routine before bed again, the two youngest got it but the oldest ignores everything and then shuts down when you try to make him and starts crying. my husband then starts feeling horrible then for him. hes 8 years old yes behind in school ill give him that but for petes sake this is basic care stuff. get dressed get shoes on eat breakfast, stuff i know he can do. i know he knows the routine. but every step he just says in a whiny voice i not know or remember. yesterday after school, he disappeared for 15 mins. i had to go search for him once he was found he was to wait for dh to come home to talk to him. dh had said he would but nope first thing he did was go on the computer then when reminded he said just dont do it again. the kid i feel is out of control. then dh was frustrated over how DSS was acting and then we had a fight ending with me feeling like this marriage will not last my DD has bonded with dh but i dont think this is a good situation anyone's in. DH and i are not on the same page and anytime i try to get on the same page and he complains that im nagging or he just doesnt want to talk about the problem. sweeping this under the rug will not solve anything and will cause nothing but problems and possibly me leaving im trying i dont want it to end but its to the point where dh and i have no relationship anymore. last night his answer to the problem was we don't take them to enough fun places. um excuse me in my family going out was a privilege not a right. we were expected to behave whether or not we went somewhere and definitely supposed to behave while we were out at said fun place. i just dont think thats the answer to solve the behavior problems. i mean dh is just lucky the kid doesnt do this at school or at least nothing has been said but i think there would be something said if he has. but i think if he just sweeps this under the rug it will get worse. i feel horrible but lately cuz of this type of behavoir i look forward to the time hes at school and on fridays when he goes to his moms house. i know its horrible for me to say that but its just so difficult and i get no help. dh's mom still just says DSS is just exploring. um exploring to me is on ones own self or possible at 3 or 4 out of curiousity at what each one has, but not at 8 and and with his knowledge. my dh thinks its a threat that i think this wont last but he refuses to help or lay off of me, so its not so much a threat as a i will do what i need to to be happy and keep dd safe. the other day he got mad at me mostly cuz i screamed at DSS cuz after DD's bath she was supposed to be getting dressed but when i went to check on her i found him in her room with her backed up by her dresser naked with the lights off and door closed. he got to cry and shed tears and nothing but another lecture from dh was done about it which was most likely ignored. but he yelled at me for yelling at him. excuse me i will make sure dd is not harmed by him. its not like i dont yell when he does it to younger DSS. id yell if it was anyone. but he thinks cuz it was dd im playing favorites which is soo not true.
im out of my mind frustrated. the only problem is if i leave ill most likely want to go home as im in canada on a sponsorship. my family is in ohio so that would be where id want to go but hed probably fight it i doubt hed win but if i stay i definitely need social assistance which he knows that he will have to pay the government back anything i apply for. i dont want to do that to him but i dont think hed let me move back either which would me stay here and feel like im trapped or go and mess him up by creating debt. personally id rather just go home. i could easily win custody of our 5.5 month old son. i just dont know what to do but each day makes me feel more and more alone i figure id be better off on my own again.
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