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October 11th, 2010, 01:55 PM
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alicenwonderland alicenwonderland is offline
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Several times i've meant to update everyone. I turn on the computer.... then fall asleep, lol. Motherhood is so new and demanding, i'm glad you guys were able to find updates!

My labor was very intense. Thank goodness for my husband and my doula, because i never would have made it without them. I am definatley NOT the poster child for natural childbirth, and to be honest, i'm not sure i would attempt a natural delivery again. Time will tell.

Two days before delivering, I was having bouts of contractions that were mild, but would eventually peeter out after a few hours. On Saturday, Oct 2nd, I had a huge nesting rush. I woke at 5am, and felt the need to clean our european oven before turning it on for the season. I spent 2 hours on the project. Took the doors off all the ovens and soaped down the enamel. Then crawled around on the floor trying to get the gas started. I started having contractions after that.. they were strong, but fizzled out. My cleaning binge continued, and i scrubbed the tub, shower, and sink.

The next morning I tossed and turned starting around 4 am. Just couldn't get comfortable, and seemed to have having contractions every time i rolled over. I got up for awhile, but they kept coming. I tried to return to bed, but by this point, they were too intense to be able to sleep. Around 8, I woke my husband, and told him that i was pretty sure i was in labor, and didn't plan on going to church. I labored at home all day. Went for walks, used the birthing ball, napped between contractions in the bathtub, and had visitors over for distractions. My friend Samantha came over, and was only over about a half hour, when my labor seemed to have taken a turn. Everyhting was suddenly much more intense, and i needed My husband to lean into and rub my back. I was becoming more vocal. Dh thought it might be time to call the hospital, but i didn't think so. I just really didn't want to be only 2 cm when i got there. At this point, they were 4 min apart and lasting about a minute. We called and ended up going in to be seen around midnight.

At the hospital I was found to be 5cm 100% effaced at 0 station, with a bulging bag of waters. At this point they asked me what my plans were as far as pain relief. I told them i was planning on going natural, and that my doula was on the way. The midwife was shocked, she didn't believe i was really in labor until she checked me. The doctor on call (who i had never met, and didn't particularly like) asked her behind the curtain, if i was ready for my epidural, and she said "I don't think she's gonna need one." That was a real confidence booster for me. I was then moved over to the birthing room. The doctor came in a little later to check my progress (which didn't make any sense because i had just gotten there). He reccomend that i let him break my water, so i progress quicker because he didn't want me to get tired. I christened him doctor barbie. He was young and blonde.... and pissed me off. I refused and said i wanted to labor on my own.

My doula arrived, and we immediately started walking, using the birthing ball, and trying many positions in the bed. She was great, and knew just how to press on my back to relieve the contraction completely. I ran into my friend Jenny in the hallway. (She's a fellow nurse) I asked her if they got a lot of women trying for natural births. She said flat out, no. People usually got the epidural as soon as humanly possible. She was impressed that I was walking around, talking to friends at 5cm dilated. My nurse said i really made her night, because she never got to help a woman towards a natural birth.

A couple hours later, things started feeling really intense, and i was wondering if i could make it. My nurse was clever though. When i started voicing curiosity about medication, she went and found someone to check me. I was 7 cm, and this gave me new motivation. The next hour was hard though. I was unable to sit now, as he was putting so much pressure on my back and tail bone. I paced back and forth, and was pretty agitated. I remember my doula was telling me how great i was doing, and i told her to shut up, and crossed the room to cry on my husband's shoulder. I kept begging them for medicine, but of course if the provider asked i still refused. I got so loud at one point, that the midwife came in to see if i was complete. I was 8cm, and i let her break my water at that point.

After breaking my water, i had instant pain relief. The pressure on my back was gone. I was pretty tired at this point so i continued labor in the bed, sitting up though, to make use of gravity. The contractions were more powerful. Somehow at this point, I started coping even better with them. I went inside my mind and met the pain head on and breathed through it. (It was odd, I didn’t actively use my hypnobabies during labor. But I did find myself using it here. When I blocked everything out, I found myself thinking “The stronger my pressure waves are, the closer I am to meeting my baby. The stronger they are, the more hypnoanesthesia is released into my bloodstream. Unortunatley this only worked when I was very still and concentrating. It was hard to stay in that place.) Everyone in the room says they had no idea what was going on, because i was not reacting in any way to anything. The only way they knew i was having contractions, was because the monitor told them so.

Here is where everything got screwy. Very soon it was 6:45am and close to change of shift. "Dr. Ken" was about to leave and wanted to check me. I was at -1 station, and 9 1/2 with an anterior lip. He had me push through it wish was a HUGE mistake. I then realized that i had complete pain relief with pushing..... and couldn't stop. The doctor asked me to stop… I just couldn’t. After that i was unable to get back into my "zone". I asked the doctor for some nubain, but he said I was too close to delivering, and that it would compromise the respiratory status of my baby. My nurse had to go home, and gave me a hug. She was amazing and ended up visiting me the next day. I met the next doctor (whose name i can't remember, but I really liked him) and he checked me, and encouraged me to try to stop pushing. I could not... The pushing was tiring me out though and i was starting to lose it. I was quivering all over and started vomiting. I knew the end was near... just not near enough.

I had been pushing a long time... and was starting to scream and the world, and begged for medication. Again, no one responded. Until the doctor came in again. He came in, I looked at him and screamed "Nubain, PLEASE!" He listened and gave it immediately. I finally gained some control back. I was able to relax between contractions finally, but still had the overwhelming urge to push. It didn't take the pain away... just somehow took the edge off i guess. I pushed for another hour... (a total of 3) and Teddy's head was on my perineum. And there it stayed. I didn't make any progress after that. I was discouraged, and so VERY TIRED. The doctor offered to help me with a vaccum delivery but I refused, and grew more tired and discouraged. When the doctor appeared a little later, I said I was ready to accept his help now. He was very kind, and I didn’t feel pressured at all… I just really needed it to be over. He and the resident carefully applied that vaccum, and in 3 pushes, Teddy was out. 7lbs 1oz, and kinda purple, but pinked up and screamed immediately after getting sucked out with the nasal aspirator. (or so I’m told)
I really don’t remember much. I feel like the world was crashing around me. He was out, and it was over. Sadly those were my only thoughts. I wasn’t curious about my baby. I easily pushed out the placenta. And then there was the very long time they spent stitching me up. (I had an episiotomy to accommodate the vaccum, though the doctor said I would have needed one anyway.) When they were done. I finally pulled my legs down…. They were so stiff from pushing, that I could barely move them, and I remember them being so painful. They tried to hand teddy to me, but I couldn’t bend my fingers are move my arms to well, because I’d been pulling on my legs for so long. I might have been apathetic in the beginning, but I remembered my priorities. I really wanted to breastfeed immediately. I fumbled with my bra, and he latched immediately. It was short lived though because the nurses were pretty much holding him for me because I didn’t have the strength. They handed him off to my husband. I was given some percocet and I just rested for an hour.

My body finally calmed a bit and I asked for my baby. He was so beautiful. It was like I was seeing him for the first time. I tried nursing him again, much more successfully this time. I was totally in awe that my body was able to do this. I was also feeling very humbled by my birth experience. I spent my pregnancy not being worried at all about labor and delivery, and I think not really respecting the process.

The majority of the first week, I was pretty traumatized. I was mad at myself for even trying to go natural because it was so painful. And then also mad at myself for making it so far, and having such a different ending than I had in mind. But as days went by, I started to have an epiphony of sorts. I returned to JM, and was checking to see how my DDC was doing. Everyone was talking about the complications from their epidurals, and being hospitalized for spinal headaches. I was immediately relieved. I may not have had the most satisfying birth, but It was definatley worth while and gave me and my son a great start. I healed very quickly. I was up and about. And my son’s first doc appt a lady asked if Teddy was 3wks old, and I told her 3days. She was shocked, and said “you look amazing for being 3 days post partum!” My episiotomy is already mostly healed, and I have no pain there. My only pain is sore muscles from pushing, and pain from a hemorhoid. In hindsight, I think I did ok.
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Last edited by alicenwonderland; October 11th, 2010 at 02:54 PM.
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