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October 30th, 2010, 10:03 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Northern VA
I actually had a rule. If you weren't there during conception, you didn't need to be there during L&D (unless it was your job). That also meant I had to compromise & my mom wasn't there either.
I'm going to be the devil's advocate here, but you have to realize the MIL is going to be a sensitive issue from here out. Yeah, you're the one doing all the work, but baby's birth-day is as special to him as it is to you. I'm betting your DH doesn't want his family (namely his mom) to be left out. Especially because your mom is going to be there. Whether he'll admit it or not (or even realizes it), he's probably always going to be a little sensitive about your kids' relationship with his parents. Flat out, he's not going to want your kids to prefer your parents. Its become pretty obvious with Mike that that is the case & I doubt he has ever consiously realized it. He really likes my parents, but he wants our kids to be just as close to his parents as mine.
I also wasn't comfortable having my bits & pieces on display to my MIL. So, I bit the bullett & told my mom no as well. Honestly though, when I hit transition, there could've been 100 people there & I probably wouldn't have noticed; my entire focus was on my body & birth.
I'm not saying the way he reacted was ok, it certainly doesn't sound like he was reasonable at all. All I'm saying is that you also have to take a deep breath & see it from his perspective, too. This is something very special you are getting to share with your mom & he wants that too. I know it sucks, but you may have to consider some sort of compromise, one that makes the birth experience everything you both want it to be.
Thank you Jaidynsmum for my siggy!
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