Scared about next birth
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November 1st, 2010, 08:31 AM
Join Date: Sep 2006
I'm pregnant with baby #3 and I'm worried about my next birth already. I'm trying to sort out my thoughts here, so I apologize if this post seems very jumbled.
Brief birth history for me: both my children passed meconium before being born, neither were breathing when they were born, my daughter's APGARS were 0-6-6, and she needed a blood transfusion.
In September, at my annual checkup this year, my normal doctor (whom I love) was out on maternity leave. She won't be back until I'm 18ish weeks or so. I asked the doctor I saw in her place if my birth history would cause me to be wheeled into the OR for a c-section at the first sign of fetal distress. He wasn't sure and referred me for a consult with a perinatologist. I started the process to set that up last week, so I haven't seen a perinatal doctor yet.
I told this new doctor that I really want to avoid a c-section because of my history of bad PPD. I really think that a c-section recovery added to the mix would be a horrible outcome for me. His response was that a planned c-section is not as bad as an emergency one and that he thought a planned c-section at 39 weeks would be better to prevent PPD than having to take care of a sick baby.
I won't be seeing him at the end of my pregnancy (they assured me that I can switch back to my doctor when she returns to work). But I don't have much other choice right now, unless I want to switch clinics and hospitals (which I don't). No doctors were taking on new patients, so I could only see two doctors (as I've seen them in the past): the c-section happy sounding doctor and another doctor that I really didn't like when I had seen her during my last pregnancy for one visit.
The appointment I had with the other doctor was awful. She came in, sat at her computer, and started typing in my chart: "Patient is doing well" before she even talked to me. And then she was in such a hurry to get out of there, that I couldn't ask her any questions or express any of the concerns I was having (and I was NOT "doing well" by my own standards, but she never took the time to figure that one out).
This all got me thinking that I'm doomed to a c-section unless I somehow convince my husband that we should just go give birth in the woods or something. So I got to thinking about what I'm really bothered about with my births. I think what bothers me most is that they won't just let me hold my babies! When your baby isn't breathing they, understandably, put priority on getting the baby to breath. And that means taking my baby away from me right after birth.
I don't want to wait an hour or more in recovery before I'm deemed fit enough to hold my baby. I don't want to hold my baby for a brief moment and then have him/her snatched away from me. I don't want the first time I hold my baby for him/her to be wrapped up like a burrito with a face. I want my wiggly newborn in my arms.
Sorry for the novel. I'm still processing things here.
Mama to an elementary school boy, kindergarten girl, and my miracle toddler girl.
Three 10w losses (11/2010 + 8/2011 + 10/2014)
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