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December 14th, 2010, 09:40 AM
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*SamF* *SamF* is offline
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Since I have become more active around here, I figured I should share my story.

I got married the first time in July of 97. My now ex- was 14 years my senior. He had always claimed to be infertile- but was never tested. I was holding out the secret hope that he was just wrong or that we would end up adopting.
Over the next couple of years the baby fever for me grew. WE had massive fights over it (nothing new we fought constantly anyway). He would agree to go get tested then back out. WE decided to look into adoption- he refused to actually spend money so we decided to adopt an older child. Went through all the home studies and mountains of paperwork to become adoptive parents in FL. After countless ups and downs we finally met tow little boys ages 4 and 6. They were precious and perfect to me. But their social worker blocked it because she felt that they would be better placed with a black family (boys were African American). I was devastated. My ex didnít seem to give a crap.
Fast forward several years, lots of depression meds and moves around the east coast. I finally had enough. In the end the ex went and got tested trying to appease me- he was completely 100% sterile- no sperms at all. He agreed to donor sperm and to TTC, but our relationship had deteriorated to a point that I couldnít take anymore. I realized that I couldnít live with someone that decided he needed to live in a different state than me (I had a job he was unemployed but wanted to be in FL), and that had to point out when he was trying that we made it a whole weekend with out fighting even though I was pushing his buttons constantly.
So I left.
Over the years I had remained friends with my college sweetheart. We tried several times as young adults to get together but miss communication seemed to always work against us. We actually got married within a week of each other and both had miserable marriages (which we hadnít really shared that info) but we were Christmas card Ďfriendsí. During the break upís we started talking a bit more. My ex had just had a heart attack and Jim was super supportive. WE lived 1000 miles apart so this was all innocent and via email. As both marriages broke down, we started really leaning on each other.
I had decided that I was going to move back to Missouri, I just hadnít decided where. Then Jim and I talked about maybe seeing what was there between us. We meet up in AL over Memorial Day weekend 2007. I was there for business, he came down to see me. And we clicked.
WE talked non stop, realized that those old feelings were there, and we just fit together. We both wanted children, but our exís truly didnít.
I decided that weekend to move to where he lived, I was fortunate to be able to keep my old job- as it was 95% travel so it didnít matter where I lived.
I moved in July 2007, we were engaged in October, at which point I moved in with him (shortest lease ever on a apartment!). I got a new job-no travel in February 2008.
We decided to try the month before we got married. So we officially started TTC in March 2008. Before that I had gone on BC pills- which I hadnít taken in over 15 years.
We got our first BFP in June. Then over the 4th of July I started spotting. Got into see the doctor, and the most hateful u/s tech ever. She did an abdominal scan- and was complaining it was to early to see anything-I didnít know enough to even suggest a transvaginal. But The doctor confirmed that I was most likely m/cing. I opted to go natural- and I bled for over 3 weeks. I was right around 71/2 weeks.

I got our next BFP in October; the excitement only lasted a few days, as that one turned into a chemical. My OB suggested that because of my age and two losses so close that she would refer me to an RE.

I had my appointment with the RE at the beginning of December. He diagnosed my with Hashimotoís (hypo thyroidism- that Iím convinced the bc pills caused) and a uterine cyst. Planned on surgery the next month. Then I got our third BFP on December 22 had betas drawn and was told to expect to m/c. I started bleeding on Christmas day.
Surgery went ahead in January- laproscopy and hysteroscopy. The doctor removed the cyst and flushed out my tubes. Got the comment that everything looked healthy and much younger than my age.
We did one cycle of clomid and IUI, then I pushed DH and we did injectables and IUI. And that was our 4th BFP! And it was twins!!
But while baby b looked awesome, baby a was always a little behind, but at 6 weeks we had two heartbeats! The next u/s two weeks later though showed that baby a had dies around 7 Ĺ weeks.
The rest of the pregnancy was pretty uneventful- and I delivered my perfect beautiful son in January 2010- I was 39.
Because of our age, we didnít want to wait long to try for #2. We started TTC in July when DS was 6 months. We got a BFP in August which we lost at @ 4 Ĺ weeks. AND then we got our next BFP in September. I went in at 6 weeks and baby was measuring behind, and the was a strange little bump in the placenta but the doctor was not worried. Went back a week later and we had a HB!! Such relief! Went in two weeks later and HB still going strong. Baby was measuring behind, but I had heard so many stories about babies measuring behind early on then catching up. That u/s was on a Monday. I was able to hear the hb, and see the little arms moving around it looked like a little potato with arms- so nicknamed it Spud. I relaxed a little.
Then that Wednesday night I noticed some brown spotting, that turned slightly red, Called the on-call and he wasnít worried because we had a great u/s two days before. But in my heart I just knew. I went in the next morning to see my peri, and they confirmed that the baby had died- most likely the day before, I was 9 Ĺ weeks. I opted for a D&C, I just wanted it to be over and be able to try again. I also opted for the genetic testing on the placenta.
The test results came back that it was a little boy and he had trisomy 18. Most die in utero- those that do survive typically die within their first year of life. I have never fully named any of my angles, and really I still think of this one as Spud, couldnít imagine calling him something else.

Iím turning 40 in just a few weeks, so the thought of NOT being pregnant soon is terrifying to me. I really want CJ to have a sibling. I want him to have someone who will always be there for him, even when DH and I are gone. I want him to have that closeness that siblings have. So we are continuing trying for now. If we donít get our sticky healthy bean soon, then we are considering heading back to the RE f or IVF,
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