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December 15th, 2010, 10:52 AM
~Tanya~ ~Tanya~ is offline
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,238
Well it’s a kind of long story, so I’ll just highlight some of it… When I was 16, I had my first loss – I basically got a BFP & had bleeding (which at the time meant nothing, because I didn’t know it wasn’t normal), went for my first appt only to find out I had a m/c. At the time, I was sad but I also thought I would have more opportunities. I then got pregnant with my son. Throughout the first 3 months of the pregnancy I had bleeding, which again I figured to be completely normal & went through the pregnancy absolutely oblivious of the fact that it wasn’t normal – I gave birth to my son & was so happy. Single, because his father & I had split up before I even knew I was pregnant, but so happy. All the drama with his father that occurred throughout the pregnancy, I won’t even get into – suffice it to say that he had been seeing someone the entire time we had been together and once she heard I was pregnant, she would call & say she had various STD’s… So, it was just me & my little man for some time and I was seeing someone and had another loss – this was another relatively early loss, at about 6 weeks. Then I was with my daughter’s father… He was a close family friend & I had known him since I was young (he is 12 years older than I am) – every man I had ever dated was based on him – I had such a crush  We ended up sleeping together (with a condom) and I was pregnant again. It was a shock, and throughout this pregnancy again, I bled, but this time for the first four months – I figured it was normal again… I then had my baby girl. After that gets kind of blurry… I know you ladies won’t judge, and now I realize some of the things that went so wrong in my life ~ I had several relationships after my DD was born, I ended up having several more losses (5 – all prior to 8 weeks). I remember the losses of the past 5 years more vividly ~ One was a blighted ovum diagnosed at 8 weeks, one was at 6 weeks – those were with a man I had dated for a year and a half… I remember those well because my sister announced her pregnancy when I just had a loss & had my nephew a couple weeks after I found out I had lost another. Then I started seeing my now ex- he said he didn’t want anything serious, but I felt as though he truly cared (I guess I should have listened to him) ~ I got pregnant with our first loss the very first time we were together. When I told my OB/GYN, she immediately had me start taking asprin, put me on progesterone and on lovenox. She was doing it all as “precautionary” – then did testing and found out I do have Factor V Leiden. The FOB came to terms with my pregnancy after a bit and was actually starting to get excited – we went in for a 16 week u/s and the baby wasn’t moving. They told me that the LO stopped developing at about 14 weeks. What a shock to the system that was ~ I had announced to the world (at least people I know ) that I was pregnant at 13 weeks thinking that was the “safe” point… Boy was I wrong ~ My ex & I continued seeing each other and I got pregnant again. Once again, it was lovenox, asprin and progesterone (all worth it to have a healthy baby). I was about 4 weeks when I found out. This time though, once I told him, he left me and said he met someone. It was so heartbreaking because I really care for him a lot (even still and I know what an a**hole he is). Well, I had two bleeding episodes, one at 9 weeks and one at 12, which scared me to death – after all my losses I finally figured out that bleeding was not always normal - I was hysterical thinking I had lost the baby, but I hadn’t, it was such a relief. So at my 14 week appt, my OB decided to do a cervical length check because of the D&C’s I had, she said it was great, nice & long. At my 16 week check up, I asked if they were going to do another length check, and she said that they weren’t because it looked so great, she didn’t think I would have a problem. *looking back now, I wish I had demanded one* I thought ok great – nothing is going to go wrong now, so I announced the pregnancy to everyone. What a mistake that was  I went in for my anatomy scan on November 2, 2010 & found out I was having a boy – he was healthy, so I was on cloud nine, until they checked the cervix – My cervix had thinned and the membranes started to funnel - they admitted me in hopes to do an emergency cerclage the next morning, but it wasn’t to be. The cervix was too thin and stitching would have likely broken the membrane (had I known what the outcome was going to be anyway, I would have told them to try it). They decided to keep me on complete bed rest with hopes of maintaining the pregnancy at least to viability. That wasn’t meant to be either – I completely thinned and was 3cm dialated by Saturday & on Monday the 8th (Happy Birthday to me) I was dialated to 4cm. My OB came and told me that she wanted me to try deciding what to do – she said there was no chance, based on the progression, that I would carry to anywhere close to viability – she said my options were to get off bed rest and see if things would progress naturally, a D&E, or to keep trying staying on bed rest and see what happens. She said she didn’t want me to make such a decision on my b-day, so she said she’d be back the next morning to talk. Well, at this point I was 19 weeks & 1 day preggo, I knew the baby was healthy so I was definitely not doing a D&E, so it was one of the other choices… I couldn’t even begin to tell you how hard it was to even think about, but I had made the decision that I was going to try everything possible to keep my little boy, but the decision was made for me that evening at @ 6:30pm my water broke & so did my heart. The only small blessing was that I hadn’t decided it. At 1:30am on November 9, 2010 my little angel was delivered. I keep thinking about all the signs I should have noticed, but didn’t. The ‘what if’s” kill me My OB says that should I decide to try again, I will have the progesterone, lovenox & asprin, and now that I have a diagnosed case of incompetent cervix, I will have a prophylactic cerclage placed at 12 weeks. I so hope I am given a chance to be a mother again.
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