Our Loss Stories
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April 4th, 2011, 08:41 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2009
This is my story. I found out I was pregnant July 12, 2009. I was shocked and so was DH. We weren't trying. I actually was on the pill and stupidly skipped 3 whole days of it at the worst point possible during the cycle.
After that initial moment of "Oh crud.. what are we gonna do" wore off, we were happy and excited, although I came around a lot faster than DH. It took him a few days to get really excited. We had 12 days of bliss. Then our world came crashing down.
I wasn't feeling pregnant at all, but didn't think anything of it at that time. My mom was worried, as she has had 3 losses herself, and knew what to watch for. I have no idea how developed the baby was when I miscarried as my periods were odd while on the pill. I guessed somewhere between 4 and 6 weeks.
I started spotting. When we had just moved into our then new house, our hot water heater was broken, so we had to shower at a friend's place. It was brown and only very light and we had dtd less than 24 hours before, so I know it could be normal. I just started bawling in his shower. I knew it was over in my heart. With DH and his friend in the living room, I had to get control of myself before I got dressed and came out. As soon as we left and were on the way home I lost it. I told DH I thought it was over. He was sure everything was fine and that I was just freaking myself out. I continued spotting for the rest of the day.
I woke up the next morning to full on red blood and lots of it. I was even feeling a little light headed. It was dripping down my legs and filling pads up very fast. I was so tired and couldn't stop crying. I had a slight urge to push and passed what I thought was the tiny sac/placenta and a few other clots. I looked for the baby, but never saw my child. I needed to for closure. The sac/placenta was about 1.5 inches wide. I was spent.
My mom was in Hawaii on a vacation when I miscarried along with her sister, her sister's DH, and her mom. I called her, and she knew instantly. She told the news to everyone there. I couldn't be alone. DH was at work and wouldn't be home for several hours. He left with me still pregnant as far as he knew. I wasn't about to call him at work and tell him about this. I called my MIL instead and she dropped what she was doing and drove the 1.5 hours to come be with me until Anthony came home. She never had a loss, but respected and understood that it's very hard emotionally (and physically) to go through. At that point, the bleeding had slowed a considerable amount and the end was near.
DH got home later that day. MIL looked at DH and said "Kira has lost the baby.." She hugged us both and knew somehow we wanted to be alone and mourn together and left and went back home. DH looked sad, but not devastated when she told him. A short time after she left, he got up and left the room. I got up and followed him. He sank to his knees in the bedroom and broke down and we both cried holding each other for several minutes.
The next several days were touch and go emotionally. We were both perilously close to tears almost constantly. I was empty. I'm just glad I didn't have a job to deal with during that. I spent most nights for the next several months crying myself to sleep.
It took the better part of a year for my body to fully recover. My periods were very irregular after that and I'd regularly go 2 months without. Almost exactly a year after our loss, my periods regulated themselves out. I had 6 months of normal periods.
Our loss made us much stronger together. We love each other like never before.
Now, I am 7 weeks pregnant. Every day that goes by, I get a little less nervous about losing this one. It seems this baby is our sticky bean. DH is thrilled. We are due Nov 21, his birthday.
I will never forget my Angel Baby. We will see you again one day.
Mom to a 2 year old baby girl, 2 week old baby boy, and one in Heaven.
In loving memory of our angel baby, with us for 4 weeks. Baby went to be with God July 24th, 2009.
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