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  #35  
April 8th, 2011, 07:00 PM
♥womanintheshoe♥'s Avatar
♥womanintheshoe♥ ♥womanintheshoe♥ is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Arizona
Posts: 4,036
Lurking...bored on couch rest so checking out other boards/posts.

#1: Didn't get epi because I was told that labor was "uncomfortable" and I figured it couldn't be all that bad. Um, yeah. My mom lied. When I finally yelled for an epi I was 10cm and ready to push.

#2: Didn't get epi because I had more practice for childbirth and thought it would make a difference. Nope. It hurt just as bad. Again yelled for drugs but was fully dilated and pushing.

#3: Decided on epi as soon as the stick showed two lines. I was terrified at the thought of needles and such but when I breezed through transition in a matter of minutes and pushed without so much as a twinge of pain I was in heaven. And, for the first time in 3 babies, I was able to bond with my new baby rather than struggling in a fog of overwhelming pain (I am NOT one who immediately forgets the pain of childbirth!). It was an amazing experience and I wondered why I had not chosen the epi the first two times. But then...

#4: For some reason I still can't figure out I wanted to naturally. Maybe I wanted to impress some people in my life, I don't know. Got to 6cm, water broke, dilated like crazy, no time for the epi I yelled for. Decided to never go natural again.

#5 & #6: Partial epi - loved it!! Far better than a full epi, could feel contractions but no pain, felt baby being born but no ring of fire. Greatest experience ever. But then...

#7: New hospital, new friends, time had passed since my last natural birth, figured I give natural another try. Stupid, stupid, stupid me. After a one-contraction transition and immediate pushing I went into a state of almost shock. I closed my eyes and wouldn't open them for 20 minutes, wouldn't look at/hold my baby. It was horrible.

#8 & #9: Full epi, awesome labor experience (no pain), easy-peasy delivery, I smiled through it and laughed, I cared that I had a baby and actually remember every detail rather than only remembering a haze of pain.

I didn't bond with my babies after natural childbirth. I didn't want to hold them, nurse, or even move. I don't remember the tiny details after my natural births that I do with the medicated births. I've never forgotten the pain, I've never had a "high" after a natural birth. I feel like someone needs to scrape me off the floor, like I've been flattened both physically and emotionally. I feel guilty for feeling like I do especially when my pain only lasts for a few minutes (literally, that's how fast I go once I hit 4-5cm). But I think that because my labors are insanely out-of-control fast that I cannot cope with the pain; even my midwife, when I was considering a homebirth last time, said there wouldn't be much to help someone who dilates like I do. So an epi is what works for me.

FWIW, my unmedicated babies were sleepier after birth than my medicated babies. So I've never worried about the effect of drugs on my baby.
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One-time "I'm NEVER having kids!" woman to mama of 11. Love living the beautiful life I thought I never wanted. ♥

Also missing 11 precious little ones here with us but for a moment.

VERY cautiously expecting after two losses early 2013. Hoping and praying my Valentine's Day due date baby sticks this time.
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