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April 12th, 2011, 11:38 AM
Join Date: Apr 2011
I am new at this, so please forgive me if I ramble. I found out that I was pregnant last week after a scheduled ultrasound as part of addressing my endometriosis, which I was diagnosed with in 2007 and told that I would most likely never have children. The pregnancy is a result of an ill-advised one night stand with someone who is not interested in a relationship and I have not spoken to him in several weeks. There are numerous factors at play here - the ultimate being that I don't think I can go through with an abortion - the doctor who performed the ultrasound strongly advised me to go home, think things through and ask myself if I could forgive myself if this were my only chance at having a child. Also, the ultrasound showed cardiac motion and my protective/maternal instinct kicked in immediately. However, the pregnancy is high-risk for both myself and the child as I am very prone to preeclampsia and obstetrical hemorrhage as well as miscarriage.
I do not currently have health insurance as I just left my job in the defense industry in D.C. to return to school and pursue my master's in nursing. I was disowned by my family in this process and it was a very difficult decision to make, however I spent several years overseas in Africa and Iraq working with women's programs after undergrad and I am passionate about healing.
I am heart-broken and at a complete loss. Should I inform the father at this point? What if I miscarry, then I would have inflicted heartache on someone else needlessly. I do not require or want his assistance in any way for numerous reasons and I certainly don't want to destroy someone's life or be resented in any way. However, I was raped when I was 18 and brutally sexually assaulted while completing my work in Iraq and I feel very fragile and vulnerable when it comes to men. It would feel like I was exposing myself and all of the shame and guilt I'm feeling to someone I hardly know and I'm not sure I'm strong enough to do so.
Any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you.
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