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June 6th, 2011, 12:11 PM
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Doodlebug06 Doodlebug06 is offline
Doodlebug
Join Date: May 2011
Location: US
Posts: 1,397
Yeah SD8 was eavesdropping on a phone call I had with her BM. (who I am pretty close friends with).
She found out about the PG that way. THen she proceeded to tell my niece. WHo told her brother, who told her cousin and eventually went full circle. This even AFTER her mom told her she absolutely could NOT tell anyone. So...I digress.
We HAD to tell them all bc of this. I wasnt happy about that. But it is what it is.
SD did get in a lot of trouble for eaves dropping.

Yes I am fully aware that DH is the main issue here. However...sd8's mom and I both have discussed this with sd8 and with dh. Oddly enough the BM will side with me WAY before siding with SD or DH on anything to do with SD bc she too deals w the same crap at her house. SHe knows how she is.
SD8 doesnt ever try anything with me when DH is not around. In fact shes usually VERY good with me and very loving etc. when we are alone or w just me and the kids.
She spends 90% of her time with us, with ME. I am her primary caregiver when she is in our home. We are dealing with the issue right now that she DOES NOT want to share her dad with anyone anytime he is home. I do understand some of it. And I always encourage him to go do "some" stuff alone with her every other week at least.
(movies, lunch date, shopping for stuff we need, etc.)

Some background here. SD8s BM had some "issues' when SD was about 2. BM left and dad got full custody of SD. He absolutely spoiled her ROTTEN. Rotten to the extent that NONE of the family could deal with her. AT ALL. When I say rotten, I mean SD8 had a toy allowance of $2k per month when she was age 3 through 5. You read right. I said $2k per MONTH on TOYS.
Fast forward to when SD starts school. BM had gotten her stuff together. SO DH allowed SD to move back to the other state with BM. BM went through 2 years of counseling w SD to reverse the damage from her leaving sd and to reverse all the spolied behavior DH instilled on SD.

DH and I meet last year. He hadnt seen SD in a year due to them living in diff states.
BM got to know me. SHe allowed ME to take SD to see DH in the other state. (8 hrs away) and *I* was the only reason DH was even able to start seeing SD regularly.
I solely drove or flew her back and forth all the time.
The spoiling started again and BM told DH that if he was going to do this, SD couldnt come.
BM now has custody of SD. And the ONLY reason SD comes to see DH is bc BM trusts that *I* keep the spoiling under control. ( i treat her same as my kids)
Otherwise DH wouldnt get SD much bc 1-he works a lot. and 2- bm knows if DH has SD for extended period of time, he lets her get extremely spoiled and out of control.

I am totally in the middle here. I hate it. SD does KNOW exactly what shes doing when she starts an argument between us. I have HEARD her telling her cousins she does it on purpose.
She is WAY too smart.
We dont have this problem with ANY of the other kids. He has a 17 year old son that he doesnt do this way. and he lives with us. BUT he DID treat that kid the same way growing up. and that kid is ABSOLUTELY out of control. been arrested, into drugs, and into EVERYTHING that he shouldnt be.
I've tried connecting the dots for DH and it doesnt work. He gets offensive.
As I mentioned in the post, the BM is getting divorced now after having been with this guy for like 4 years. (they married a while after she left DH and now they are divorcing)
I didnt want SD being in the middle of the separation and divorce and I knew BM and step dad were fighting a lot etc. so I asked BM just to leave SD8 with us until she got everything settled out. (because I thought that was better on sd8)
Since BM and I are close friends, she was fine with that and brought a suit case of clothes and let her stay. (we are now all living in the same state anyway)
Ok...so my goal here was to make live easier on SD8 bc I didnt want her being affected by BMs divorce. DH never once thought of that or suggested it. It was me who got on the phone w BM and asked to keep her and then I told DH about it.
(there was a blow up at BM's house and I could not just send SD8 over there in middle of it)
so i guess it bothers me that I am ALWAYS the one doing EVERYTHING for this child and the only person she sees hung the moon is "daddy" and then proceeds to make my life hell on certain days.
but yes I am aware DH is a lot of the problem here. I just know that SD8 also does some things on purpose (as ive heard her say) and that infuriates me.
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