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June 6th, 2011, 01:48 PM
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Doodlebug06 Doodlebug06 is offline
Doodlebug
Join Date: May 2011
Location: US
Posts: 1,397
Quote:
Originally Posted by AMiner86 View Post
Would your DH be open to the idea of setting aside certain times or days when he and your DSD have time alone?

I used to have the same issue with my BF and my DSS. He used to spoil him all the time, let him do whatever he wanted, and had no disipline. He felt guilty because DSS came from a "broken home". Like in your situation, DSS would behave beautifully for me and gained a lot of independence and was a completely different and better kid, IMO. When his dad walked into the house, totally different story, he was a Jeckel (sp) & Hyde kid.

I finally had enough and sat my BF down and had a long talk with him about all this. We came up with a plan to set aside specific times and days that my DSS would get alone time with his dad to get to do whatever he wanted, whether it be going fishing, playing with a certain toy together, or building something together (BF is really into woodworking). And when my daughter was born and got a lil bit older, we incooperated her in. Now we both have "dates" with both of the kids when each of them get alone time with each of them. My parents also do this with them. Sometimes just my DD will get to go to their house and then DSS gets a turn.

This hasn't cured all the issues with my BF letting my DSS get away with this because he has issues with disiplining both of the kids. It has gotten tons better though.
Honestly he works from about 10 am to 10 pm most days except for saturday and sunday. He works until 2 on saturday and usually none on sunday.
The problem is, that the ONLY off time he has, is the ONLY time ALL OF US get to see him. So she basically wants him to herself on all that time. My bios NEVER get alone time with him nor do they get to spend much time "with" him when shes around either. So there is basically NO relationship between my bios and him.
And I really get aggrivated because I barely see my husband as it is and I NEVER get alone time with him except when we go to sleep. But SD assumes SHE should be given alone time with him EVERY time hes home. And not so much even them having alone time, but she HAS to be the center of his attention. I.E. , DH and I will lay down in our room to watch TV. Just us maybe watching tv and cuddling. Its rare enough anyway bc he works so much. All of a sudden, she comes in and wants a cartoon movie on, so my tv time with him turns into him watching a kid movie with her on full blast volume and them having dad daughter cuddle time.
Happened at least 3 times this weekend.
I have NO issue with him doing these things with her, but I also expect to get some quality time with my husband without the kids interrupting and being put into the center of attention.
My 2 bios dont even ask to come watch their movies in my room. Their are 5 tv's in the house, so why would the kids feel the need to come watch their movies in our room?
Arg.

What will happen when our baby is born? WIll the baby also have to fight for time w its dad?
Usually at least once every weekend DH goes and does something w SD. Even if its just the two of them going to the gas station. (which she ALWAYS gets something EVERYTIME.even if its a pack of gum)
The more it happens, the more it seems to me like she isnt going with him to "be" with him, but just to "get" stuff.

Oh after the whole furniture thing yesterday, she comes in our room later that evening to ask if we are going anywhere. I said "no". She said, "well can we go somewhere? like to Justice"
(to shop for her!)

All of a sudden shes ready to get out of the house becuase SHE wants to get something.
My answer was no. Dad doesnt even know where Justice is. I am the one who takes her there.
I explained to her that I had wanted to go look at furniture earlier and we didnt go because she told dad she didnt want to have to get dressed and go out in the heat. (ya thats what she told him) .
And I said, hey, its STILL the same temp outside that it was earlier. Maybe hotter. But now you feel ok getting sweaty outisde? Not to mention that she followed dad around for an hour outside while he cleaned the pool. All that was OK to get sweaty and hot, etc.
But that now I was tired and had done a lot during the day and I no longer was interested in getting out to do anything.
Basically it boils down to that she didnt want to get out earlier because it didnt benefit her.
Now that it does, she wants to get out. Um. NO.
ANywho dad didnt chime in and say anything. why? bc he didnt want to have to take her. he just says "well if SM doesnt want to go then you cant make her take you..."
I am frustrated with them both. Very frustrated. I am sure my hormones are out of control right now and I am on progesterone too so I am broken out and oily and sweaty ALL the time. And I am just so aggrivated with everything! Its like everything has to go wrong all at once.
And the last thing I want to deal with each day is him and her and daddy daughter issues.
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