Vent about family.
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June 24th, 2011, 11:23 AM
Join Date: May 2010
Back in Febuary my mom was calling wanting to know if my DS could come up and spend his spring break with her. Since he has been born, she has doted on him and spent a lot of time with him. He loves her dearly and she (I'm sure) loves him just as much. But...for the past two/three years they have been kinda living rough and I had been cutting back on the time that he spent at her house. Most of the times that I was sending him up there, they had no food, no gas to bring him home, etc. I'd give my dad money so they could buy food and gas, hoping they were feeding my son while he was there.
When my brother and I were little, my parents both did drugs. Mostly back then it was just pot, and then as we got older it was pot and prescription drugs. When I announced that I was pregnant with my son (11 years ago) my mom made a full turnaround. She stopped smoking ciggs, stopped smoking pot, and cut back on the prescription meds. I had kinda figured a time or two that they may have slipped back to their old habits when DS came home smelling like smoke and also telling me they had no food again when he was up there. DH is a cop, doesn't smoke, and we might drink 3-4 times a year at the most on special occasions. We have been TTC for 2 years and I don't smoke or use any drugs either. We are far from perfect people, but we try to give DS a stable home where stuff like that is not around.
So in Febuary, she was calling and asking if he could come. I put it off and put it off and finally sent her an e-mail saying I was concerned about the lack of food and the smokey smell on DS's clothes. The last time DS went, he came back and told me that my dad and his friend kept going back and forth to the bedroom and leaving him in the livingroom alone. I knew something was up then. So, having my moms PW to her FB account, I logged her account and found that while he was up there, that she had been making and setting up deals to pick up marijuana with my son in her care. And the friend was the one supplying them with it and smoking it with my dad while my son was in the other room.
When she responded and denied ALL of it, I told her I'd been on her FB and I'd read the mails. She got really enraged saying it was her life and her business and I had no right to go through her personal accounts. I eventually talked to my dad who asked me what the big deal was, said hed been smoking since he was 13 and it was no big deal...they were going to eventually legalize it anyway. My mom grabbed the phone from him, told me she hated me, that I was just mad because I couldn't have a baby and was taking it out on her, and told me she'd never speak to me again.
That was 4 months ago.
Most of the family know they have a habit. FB didn't have to tell me, we all knew the signs. My grandmother doesn't understand how they can just blow money on drugs and not care about bills or food. But then again, gma wants us to make up and be friends again. Last night she called me and told me I needed to apoligize to my mother and tell her I was sorry for hurting her. I was like WHAT?!?!
Because of our struggles to have a bigger family, I've had a hard time being around those with babies. I almost break down in tears and have been having a really HARD time with our infertility. My brother and his wife had their first last year, and initially I was really involved, but then as my time went on without a baby, I kinda withdrew. My mom went and told both of them that I was jealous of their baby and god knows what else. Then she's calling my grandmother telling her I said and did things I didn't. She STILL to this day denies to everyone that she does drugs or was doing them around my son. I printed out her messages. I know the truth and so does she. A lot of people in the family don't talk to me as much, and when they do, they keep it short. I don't know what she's saying, but I'm sure it's far from the truth.
I don't know what to do. My DH and I are going through a really hard time right now. Probably some of the lowest times I have ever been. I need my family and someone to talk to, but I feel like she's alienated me from the family because I outted her. I am so thankful for my DH because he's been there for me so much during this, but I miss my family too.
Sorry this is so long. I've had to deal with it on my own for almost 5 months and it's hard. I need support and I need people backing me through this rough time. I have so much stuff going on and this on top of it. I'd love to hear some feedback or opinions.
Mitch and Marlena, proud parents to Devin.
Two precious boys!
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