Our Loss Stories
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July 13th, 2011, 10:44 AM
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Suburbs of Chicago
I'm posting this now because I have not had the courage to until now and in hopes it can bring encouragement to anyone going through a loss. But, the stories are a bit graphic, just so you know. Let me introduce myself first. My name is Becca and I'm 24 years old. I have had 2 losses and am currently in my third pregnancy.
I first got pregnant around January 2009 when I was 22 years old. My now husband and I were only dating since September of 08, so it came as a total shock to us. I wasn't even sure that I wanted to be a mother yet. And my then bf definately wasn't ready to be a dad, but he stood beside me all the way. It started when I noticed my period was late. Which the only other time I had ever been late was when I was in Basic training in the Army, which kinda comes with the territory when you stress your body out that much. Anyhow, so I bought a test not thinking I was pregnant, that maybe I was just stressed or something. So I POAS, and sure enough 2 lines showed up. I freaked and screamed for my bf. He and I went and bought more tests, and sure enough ALL positive. So I make an appt to begin my prenatal. I went in for the first visit, no u/s or anything, just confirmation, info, weight, and height. Then I go home to wait 4 weeks for my next appt. But one day I woke up and something felt different. I hadn't really been having many pregnancy signs except sore breasts, but something else was just off. I went to the bathroom and noticed I was lightly spotting. I didn't think much of it because I had heard that it was normal for women to spot sometimes. Then the next day I felt something in my panties. I go to the bathroom, and I was bleeding more and actually passed some tissue. So I called the doc and they had me come in. My idiot dr. did a pelvic and said, well your cervix are closed and scheduled an u/s for 10 days from then. I knew something was horribly wrong but he wouldn't dend me to emergency. That night, the cramping began and then I really knew. I began having regular cramps at closer intervals until I finally pass what looked like a huge lump of tissue. I knew I lost the baby and that was it. Then I don't know what came over me, but I reached into the toilet to put the tissue in a container. But before I did, I held it there for just a second and I could see the babys eyes, (they looked like little black dots but they were the eyes) and then my bf came in, took it from me and put it in the container himself. Right there is when I bonded with that baby and it became totally real what I had just lost. I was only 6 wks along. I cried and cried and cried as my bf led me to the car to take me to the er. The doctors were cold and didn't seem to have sympathy. When they did the u/s they found no evidence of the pregnancy so I didn't need a d&c which was a relief.
After that loss, something changed with me and my then bf. It changed our relationship. We both knew that we wanted to have children together after that for sure. BUT we decided to wait a year until we tried to concieve. In that time we became much closer and he proposed to me that April. We decided to extend our year wait until Sept. that year because we set the date for our wedding for Aug. 14th 2010. Naturally, I wanted to diet, tan and be able to drink on my honeymoon. All things you can't do while pregnant. BUT life has a way of throwing curve balls at you. I found out I was pregnant June 12th of that year, just 2 months before our wedding. Despite my dieting and tannig dreams, this time, we were very excited. We figured the odds were on our side because we both read that usually after a woman has one m/c the chances of her having another go down. So we approached this pregnancy with a more positive attitude. We were so sure that everything would be just fine. I did a little baby shopping even. Got some clothes and I started a baby book. My then fiance even bought a fetal heart rate monitor online. I passed my 6 wk mark and that further encouraged me to believe everything would turn out fine. At 6.5 wks I went in for an u/s. They found the hr but it was at 64 bpm and pretty low. The doc was concerned, as was I, but I got on my trustee PC again and read sometimes baby's hr's start slow. So I had another appt. 2 wks later, and by this point I was sure the baby's hr was fine. There was some question as to how far along I was because I couldn't remember the date of my LMP, so I asked the tech if she could just tell me. After A lot of silence, she turned to me and said "I'm only telling you this because you asked me to tell you how far along you are, but I'm sorry to say that your baby's gone." I couldn't believe it. I hadn't had cramping, no bleeding nothing! I just couldn't believe that God took another baby from me. She went on to explain what a missed miscarriage was. I had heard of it before but refused to dwell on the idea when I was pregnant. I elected to try and let nature take it's course, but a couple weeks later still nothing, so I had a d&c just 2 wks before my wedding. This devestated both of us and we weren't sure what to think. So we both pushed it out of our minds until the wedding and honeymoon was over.
After all the chaos of the wedding subsided and we were comfortably moved into our new home, AND after having a battery of tests and vaccinations were given to help with conception and preventing miscarriage, we were finally able to try again. We started in Jan. of 2011. In April I thought I was pregnant, I had sore breasts, was feeling overly tired, etc. but it just turned out to be PMS as I got my period the day I was to take my test. This really upset both of us becasue we were SO eager to be parents. So that Sat. I went to church with my family. Something I started doing just weeks before. i always believed in the Christian faith, but didn't want to get into it too much until recently. The pastor asked if there was something that any of us just needed to pray about, and if so feel free to kneel at the front of the sanctuary. I felt strongly encouraged to do just that about our current family planning situation. So I got on my knees and prayed. About a month later, on May 13th of this year, I again found out I was pregnant. I am convinced it was a direct answer to prayer. I am now in my 12th week and have had 3 u/s where I could hear and see the hb. All of them totally normal and healthy. The baby is growing at the correct rate, and I've even seen him/her move around. So far so good, and i continue to pray for a healthy pregnancy.
The moral of my story? As you read, we went through alot with our 2 losses, but we never gave up. My point is, there IS hope after losing even 2 or more babies. And it does get better, I promise. I know I have a baby to look forward to, but even before I was pregnant again, I was able to go on with life knowing my little angels were looking down on me, waiting to meet me someday.
MC- Sweet Pea, EDD 10/10/09, left us at 6 weeks.
MMC-Baby Peapod, EDD 02/24/2011, left us at 8 weeks.
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