Just need to vent
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August 2nd, 2011, 06:03 PM
Join Date: Dec 2008
I am in a fairly new relationship. I have two kids from a previous relationship, one who has special needs. This guy that I started dating lives in our apartment building, and he and I have talked for several months and almost 2 months ago we began dating. He is a great guy and I have really fallen for him hard. He is great with the kids, loving, kind, and patient. He is also 20 years older than me.
Most of the time things are great! Just yesterday he was talking about long term and living in the same house which he has stated won't happen until we are married. He talks about becoming engaged and meeting parents, but then there will be these moments when he scares me.
Like today, my son had a hard time today and he helped me with him, was even more patient than I was, but a few hours later he came down and said that it is a long haul, and that it worries him at times because he doesn't want to lose his cool in front of the kids. He left a min ago and kissed me once but just seemed distant. It seems like if we spend a lot of time together things work out really well, and he is upbeat and talking about the future, then when we are apart for a bit he second guesses things.
I am worried sick, but honestly I am getting tired of worrying. Part of me wants him to just tell me if he can't make it now. But then the other part of me doesn't. I want this to work terribly bad. It hurts to think I could lose him. I could make myself sick thinking about it. My kids love him and talk about him all the time when he is not here, wanting to say goodnight or good morning and to think that he would be gone and they couldn't do that....UGGH!
If you read this this far thanks. Just paranoid I guess. If this relationship fails I am DONE. I will not do this again. I forgot how much a broken heart hurts.
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