Abby's Ventastic TTC#1 Journal (No longer TTC)
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September 1st, 2011, 08:29 PM
Froggy in my pocket! :o
Join Date: Jun 2011
Well, the lab numbers were both better and worse than I was expecting. O'ing on my own I can barely muster a p-level of 6, but that went up to 23 with clomid and soy combined. So I guess now I definitely have a luteal phase defect, and estrogen dominance, which I suspected in the first place because of my FBCs. It just sucks finding out after all that trouble to O on my own, it's a ****** weak O and even if I had managed to get pg I wouldn't have been able to sustain it for very long.
I'm so ******* depressed right now I don't know what to do with myself. It's difficult to talk to anyone at all about it because they're all so emotional and/or hormonal with their own stuff going on that it turns into a giant *****fest over everything and I can't seem to say anything that sounds NOT offensive (to me at least.)
I'm also ******* sick of bleeding.
My doc is giving me 2 more months on the clomid before we move on to other types of testing. I have an appointment November 2nd to discuss SA/HSG and IUI (which I definitely can't afford) so it'll just be me begging for a few more months on clomid at that point. You know what, honestly, if I'm still not pregnant by my next wedding anniversary, I'm just saying it's over and I'm giving up. Part of me just wants to cut my own reproductive system out and put it up for sale on some scientific research black market board, the other part is so depressed...well...I guess you could draw your own conclusions. I'm trying not to feel like the crazy outsider girl again, but part of me wants to do something with myself before I turn into that bat**** insane woman you hear about on the news that gets arrested for swiping some new mom's baby from the hospital (that's a joke serious sally, I'd never do something like that.)
Thanks Maggie831 for the awesome siggy! You rock!
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