Outing myself as a lurker... (preg/anticipated stillbirth mentioned)
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September 13th, 2011, 10:20 AM
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Southeastern, USA
My name is Kelli. I have one son named Eli who turns 1 on Thursday. I am also pregnant with our second baby, a little girl that we have named Finley. My EDD is at the end of December, but unfortunately we have been told that our little girl probably won't make it that long.
I am in a kind of unique situation... pregnant and waiting for my little girl to pass inside of me. At 19 weeks I was diagnosed with low amniotic fluid. At 21 weeks I had a level 2 ultrasound in which the doctor basically told me that my baby must have some kind of lethal genetic disorder. At 24 weeks I was told that she is in heart failure and not developing properly anymore.
I was told to prepare for a stillbirth, but how do you prepare yourself for the loss of a child and the loss of a future? I'll be 25 weeks tomorrow and my OB is anticipating that her heart should stop beating very soon. At my last appointment her heart rate was only 68.
I'm sorry I sound like a robot typing this all out. It is very hard for me to talk about and I know NO ONE IRL who has gone through anything like this.
I don't even know why I am starting this post? For advice? For encouragement? For words of wisdom? For what to expect? I don't know. I just think I need to know that there are other people out there who have actually felt their heart breaking.... who have been given the "poor you" look and told that their baby wasn't ever going to experience this world or their mother's arms.
It is absolutely devastating....
(I have poured everything into my blog if you would like more details:
The White House
eli grey [9.15.10]
jude lawrence [11.9.12]
forever loving our best girl, finley [born still 10.30.11]
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