Outing myself as a lurker... (preg/anticipated stillbirth mentioned)
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September 14th, 2011, 04:57 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Hello and a sad welcome to our board. I don't think there is any way to prepare yourself for something so completely devastating as losing a child. My son, Bryan Luke, was stillborn very unexpectedly in August 2007.
I think you have gotten some good advice. I wish someone would have said to me that it was OK to unwrap him, bathe him, turn him over and memorize every part of him. I was so scared to do so that I didn't see his whole body ever. That is my one everlasting regret. Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep is an unbelievably wonderful program, and I highly encourage you to make sure your hospital calls someone in for you. If they don't have it where you live, consider getting someone to come in and photograph everything for you... even if it is just a family member. The pictures are all I have now and I can't say how much I value every one I have and I have so few.
Also, get things like handprints, footprints, even do a plaster cast of her hand and/or foot (if possible).
Use her name (which I love BTW, what a beautiful choice) and let others know that you like it when they use her name too. People will take their cues from you, but be aware that many will have no idea how to respond... because, shoot, WE don't know how to respond in the face of something so horrible as losing your child.
Have you and your DH discussed a funeral or what you might do after? I know that was one of the hardest things we did. I kind of wish now that we had cremated our son because then I could have kept him with me, but many feel completely differently on that point. My son has a grave beside my brother's and my grandmother's. I'm happy he lies with them, but I am sad I can't go there as often as I would like. It all depends on your family and what you decide, but it is a question the nurses/hospital staff will have to ask you.
I'm praying for you and your family in this unbelievably difficult time!
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