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September 23rd, 2011, 10:43 PM
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pepper73 pepper73 is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,188
Melissa, you have no idea how much your words mean to me. Or actually, you probably do...because you've lived them. It is so hard. I feel so broken. I feel like a failure as a woman. And the killer is...I don't even know that it's me! My BF hasn't even had his SA done but I'm already blaming all of this on me. I guess in a way it's easier that way. I would rather carry that burden than have someone else do it. I just got back up to my room from the casino. I didn't do great. I started to lose (on penny slots, so luckily not a lot) and I suddenly saw it as a mirror of my life...losing...I am losing the TTC game and I lost at the slots. It hit me like a ton of bricks and I had to get away. I feel like I am just a big bad luck charm...like everything that comes near me is cursed. And the sad thing is...I don't care about winning money. The only thing I want luck with is TTC. All I want is my rainbow baby. And for some reason, some force...whether it is God or some other power...is keeping me from that. And I don't understand why. It is breaking my heart and my spirit. Oh crap! Now I'm being a major downer! I am SO sorrry!!
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