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November 15th, 2011, 06:23 PM
BeckyBozeman BeckyBozeman is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Montana
Posts: 3,609
Hi ladies,

My name is Becky, DF is Adam, and I'm just finishing up my 2nd loss. It was my second pregnancy. My first loss was in July of this year at 11 weeks. It was a missed miscarriage and the baby had stopped growing at about 8 weeks. I had felt really good about this pregnancy. With my first I was uneasy the whole time and not hugely surprised when I lost him. With this one I felt great and was sure it was going to stick.

Thursday, after DF and I DTD, I started bleeding. There was quite a bit of blood right after, but it immediately tapered off into spotting. I had an u/s scheduled for Tuesday, so I took a couple days off of work and put myself on bedrest. Then on Saturday evening I started having pains. I at first convinced myself that it was gas pains. But they were coming pretty regularly and nothing seemed to help. I finally fell asleep and hoped it would all be better in the morning. I woke up at around 4 am in severe pain. I suffered through it for about 20 minutes and then felt something let go and had a gush. So I woke up DF and said that we needed to go to the ER.

I hated the thought of the ER. I have a midwife and have not been to a doctor for either of my pregnancies. I trust her and didn't want to get bad news in the cold sterility of an ER. But I knew that I needed to know and that if there was still a baby there was something seriously wrong. So we went. The folks at the ER were actually really great, but they found that once again there was no heartbeat. They sent me home with pain meds to try and pass everything naturally again. After 48 hours of pain I finally did so.

My midwife has referred me to an OB that I'm seeing on the 30th. She's pretty convinced that my losses are due to a hormonal issue. I'm hoping that's true and that there will be an easy fix.

Right now I'm feeling a little guilty because in some ways this loss feels easier than the first one. Maybe because I've now been through it and kind of knew what to expect? But I'm really scared that I'll never be able to have this. I'll be 37 in December, and this year is the first time I've ever been pregnant... I've always wanted kids, but never before been with someone that I wanted to have them with. And now I'm afraid my body won't cooperate....
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