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November 17th, 2011, 12:21 PM
BeckyBozeman BeckyBozeman is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Montana
Posts: 3,518
So I spoke way too soon... this is not easier than last time. Last time I could believe I just lost the lottery on the numbers and had some chromosomal problems. Now there's obviously something wrong with me.

I'm depressed... I'm off work for the week, but I'll have to go back on Monday. The ER doc gave me pain meds, but I'm only taking them at night, so I can sleep. For some reason the cramping seems to be worse at night. I've passed the gestational sac and placenta, but seem to be passing a lot more big chunks of tissue. During the day I have cramping and soreness, but it's not as bad and I've been drinking wine to take the edge off.

I hate this so much.... I hate feeling this way. I hate the fear that makes me not want to face life again. I hate the worry that I see in my fiance's face. I hate the thought of going through this over and over again.

But I'm grateful for the support I have. I'm grateful for a midwife that is proactive and wants us to be successful. I'm grateful to have this place where I can vent these poisonous feelings and be understood.

And I'm sad for all of us...
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